Beyond the Affair
My husband recently confessed to having an affair with a colleague. Though he had confessed to having an affair, he was clear that he wanted this marriage and would start making an effort to end all contact with her.
I was shattered and extremely bitter about it and for days and months after that I wouldn’t let go of any opportunity to be sarcastic, to rub it in that he had betrayed me and my daughter. Though this was the direct result of my husband’s affair, I was deliberately not letting go of the hurt and the betrayal.
I often found myself wondering how this could be happening to me. I am an average Indian middle-class woman, a full-time housewife and a part-time journalist. Until recently, I had everything; a loving husband, a home, and now suddenly somebody had pulled the rug from under my feet.
I drastically lost weight and my ability to be happy. Try as I might, nothing and just nothing would give me hope for a better future. I had convinced myself that I was a loser, and my life was over.
During all this time, my husband supported me and kept trying to convince me that he loved me and seriously wanted to give our marriage a chance. He was steadfast in his support.
If I had left him in this state of emotional vulnerability, I am sure I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. Before the affair, I truly thought and believed that I had a great marriage. But after the affair, it was as if the past good times were totally erased from my memory. I was not able, and also at some level refused, to connect with my husband.
About seven months after my husband’s confession, I fractured my right leg in a road accident. My husband decided to take over the household chores. He took leave from his office and took over cooking and looking after our six-year old daughter. I still refused to talk to him except to bitterly remind him of what he had done to us.
One day, a doctor came to my home to examine me, and commented that I had a great husband and he was taking the best possible care of me. I looked at him as if he was out of his mind, but the doctor seemed serious.
The thought remained in my mind long after he had left, and I started seeing my husband in a new light. I saw a man, who, in spite of having strayed, cared deeply for his wife and was by my side when I needed him the most. It was in that moment that I finally decided to let go of the bitterness and to forgive.
As he brought my breakfast the next morning, I commented that it was beautiful outside. He suddenly looked at me, surprised that I was smiling and talking to him. He nodded without smiling, scared to hope. I again commented, “The tea is good. Thanks.” He stared with a look of question on his face.
I held his hand, looked in his eyes and whispered, “Maybe we could start working around our problems.”
He smiled with tears in his eyes, “I am hoping to.”