Busy Signal

By

Busy Signal
Busy Signal

Our marriage was perfect. Twenty-four years of wedded bliss until Saturday, September 6, forevermore to be known as “Black Saturday.” Dropping me off at The Market Common to emcee the Beach, Boogie and Barbeque Festival, my husband headed south to Georgetown to purchase the iPhone. He had researched it for months and salivated, just like Pavlov’s dog, at the thought of owning one. Yes, boys and their toys! But hey, our marriage had survived golf, salt-water aquariums, computer video games, garage bands, books and more books. Who knew that the iPhone could pose such a threat? Every time I need my husband lately, I get a “BUSY SIGNAL.”

For the first few weeks of this iPhone life, I felt like Chuck had given birth to this new entity without any help from me. We did four years of fertility together fifteen years ago and now, all of a sudden, I was feeling left out. It was his “new baby,” and I was an outsider, just like the wicked step-mother. Every waking moment was spent setting up his address and phone book, his calendar of business appointments, entering friends and family birthdays, learning all the programs, downloading games and applications galore and learning the short cuts on texting; you know… IDK, LOL, 2G2BT, UFB, ETC.

He then spent a full week downloading some of his favorite music to listen to while flying over to Switzerland on our vacation. Whatever happened to the time we use to spend on the plane working crossword puzzles together or playing gin-rummy?

Our vacation was glorious, but that iPhone never left his side. Side, nothing, it was glued to his palm the entire time. Oh, I admit it is absolutely an incredible piece of technology. Did you know that you can hold it up next to the TV or radio and it can tell you the name and title of what song is playing? It also has GPS; now I’ll never get him to stop and ask for directions – frightening. However, did it have to accompany us on every step of our journey to the top of the Alps and back again?

As my husband explained, “Why not?”

Well, I’ll tell you why not, because if I am wearing a new black teddy to bed I want someone to notice!

This new member of our family can, of course, take pictures, and can even flash a photo up on the screen of the person who is calling you if you have their photos saved in the system. It can play word games and number games, search the internet, track your stocks and forecast the weather.

I’m telling you, Chuck is in love with this thing, but at least he is at home, in his office, not on the streets, in bars or strip clubs for goodness sake. There are worse things I tell myself. Yet, I miss him. We used to watch The Practice, Boston Legal and Grey’s Anatomy together. He used to talk to me while we were working out at the gym, and now he has the ear bud of his iPhone piping Beatles music into his head. We use to play a mean game of Scrabble, and the winner got to…well, you don’t need to know that. Let’s just say, I miss playing Scrabble, win or lose.

I used to wonder why they called it the “i” Phone. Then I realized that it was because, if you own one, you do not need anyone else for anything. “i” can do it all. “i” am all knowing. “i” can conquer the world.

They did not call it the “us” phone for a reason.

Truly, I am grateful that my marriage is not threatened by another woman, even though I would certainly know how to compete with one, whereas I am not sure I know how to compete with a phone…a phone that can do everything no less, even vibrate on cue.

Thank God it can’t cook. He’ll always need me! B4N.

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  • Busy Signal

    Our marriage was perfect. Twenty-four years of wedded bliss until Saturday, September 6, forevermore to be known as “Black Saturday.” Dropping me off at The Market Common to emcee the Beach, Boogie and Barbeque Festival, my husband headed south to Georgetown to purchase the iPhone. He had researched it for months and salivated, just like Pavlov’s dog, at the thought of owning one. Yes, boys and their toys! But hey, our marriage had survived golf, salt-water aquariums, computer video games, garage bands, books and more books. Who knew that the iPhone could pose such a threat? Every time I need my husband lately, I get a “BUSY SIGNAL.”

    For the first few weeks of this iPhone life, I felt like Chuck had given birth to this new entity without any help from me. We did four years of fertility together fifteen years ago and now, all of a sudden, I was feeling left out. It was his “new baby,” and I was an outsider, just like the wicked step-mother. Every waking moment was spent setting up his address and phone book, his calendar of business appointments, entering friends and family birthdays, learning all the programs, downloading games and applications galore and learning the short cuts on texting; you know… IDK, LOL, 2G2BT, UFB, ETC.

    He then spent a full week downloading some of his favorite music to listen to while flying over to Switzerland on our vacation. Whatever happened to the time we use to spend on the plane working crossword puzzles together or playing gin-rummy?

    Our vacation was glorious, but that iPhone never left his side. Side, nothing, it was glued to his palm the entire time. Oh, I admit it is absolutely an incredible piece of technology. Did you know that you can hold it up next to the TV or radio and it can tell you the name and title of what song is playing? It also has GPS; now I’ll never get him to stop and ask for directions – frightening. However, did it have to accompany us on every step of our journey to the top of the Alps and back again?

    As my husband explained, “Why not?”

    Well, I’ll tell you why not, because if I am wearing a new black teddy to bed I want someone to notice!

    This new member of our family can, of course, take pictures, and can even flash a photo up on the screen of the person who is calling you if you have their photos saved in the system. It can play word games and number games, search the internet, track your stocks and forecast the weather.

    I’m telling you, Chuck is in love with this thing, but at least he is at home, in his office, not on the streets, in bars or strip clubs for goodness sake. There are worse things I tell myself. Yet, I miss him. We used to watch The Practice, Boston Legal and Grey’s Anatomy together. He used to talk to me while we were working out at the gym, and now he has the ear bud of his iPhone piping Beatles music into his head. We use to play a mean game of Scrabble, and the winner got to…well, you don’t need to know that. Let’s just say, I miss playing Scrabble, win or lose.

    I used to wonder why they called it the “i” Phone. Then I realized that it was because, if you own one, you do not need anyone else for anything. “i” can do it all. “i” am all knowing. “i” can conquer the world.

    They did not call it the “us” phone for a reason.

    Truly, I am grateful that my marriage is not threatened by another woman, even though I would certainly know how to compete with one, whereas I am not sure I know how to compete with a phone…a phone that can do everything no less, even vibrate on cue.

    Thank God it can’t cook. He’ll always need me! B4N.

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