Sasee Magazine

In many and varied ways, Pat Bates personifies all that is good and gracious in life, a woman who finds beauty in both the ordinary and the extraordinary: the benediction of a Murrells Inlet sunset, the exhilaration of a hard-fought tennis match, the instant transformation of new paint on an old wall, the enduring and boundless support of old friends. Those who know her will tell you this delicate and stylish woman is also a tower of strength, one who has faced life’s storms and learned to dance in the rain.

Pat Daughtery Bates grew up in the tiny town of Lake View, S.C., in the southern tip of Dillon County. Even as a little girl, she loved decorating and creating pretty things. Her parents were good friends with a family who owned Burlington Mills, and Pat regularly received fabric samples which she used to make pillows and items for her bedroom which she constantly re-arranged and re-decorated. It’s little wonder that this natural creative instinct, eye for color and talent for interior design would one day lead to a thriving business.

While a student at the University of South Carolina, Pat met and married Harry Bates of Eastover. After college they spent five years seeing the world, thanks to Uncle Sam and the U.S. Air Force. The young couple traveled “space available” to any place the planes were going, soaking up every opportunity to experience new places and different cultures. It was a great, carefree time for the newlyweds, yet Pat and Harry always knew that they would return to South Carolina, specifically to Murrells Inlet where Harry’s family had owned a creek home in the Sunnyside section since the early 1900s, and Pat had spent many childhood summers.

In 1967 Harry completed his Air Force duties, and he and Pat settled into life in the Inlet, which has been their home ever since. They built a comfortable home in Mount Gilead where they raised their two children, Page and Harry IV, the home where Pat still lives today. The Bates also enjoyed retreating to the old Inlet house which has remained an integral part of their lives, the place they go to relax, to soak up the natural beauty of the creek’s mystical waters and enjoy the company of good friends. Its ramshackle exterior, with trees literally growing through the roof, only adds to the home’s allure, sending the clear message: “Come as you are, relax, have fun.”

Soon after their return to South Carolina, Harry opened an accounting business. Pat worked by his side for several years, doing whatever was needed as she laughingly puts it, “until he could afford real help.” Unlike many married couples, working side by side did not add stress to their relationship. They worked together well, with a clear understanding of duties which Pat took seriously, striving never to take advantage of their personal relationship. This self-discipline is part of a natural strength which has sustained Pat throughout her life. Her good friend Marcia Nichols says, “Pat is probably the most hard-working woman I have ever known. I think her success in life is not just from God-given talent, which she has in abundance, but also from a will to succeed and not ever give up.”

Strength and discipline manifest themselves in every aspect of Pat’s life – both work and play – and are clearly evident in her favorite sport of tennis which she has enjoyed most of her life and played competitively for over 30 years. One of the highlights of her life, her “claim to fame” as she calls it, is winning the 1986 USTA Nationals with a team of women from the Grand Strand. This natural talent must have found its way to the DNA Pat passed along to her daughter, Page, a phenomenal player who graduated from Socastee High School with a 60-0 record, was Rookie of the Year for Small Colleges in the U.S., and later coached tennis at the College of Charleston. Pat says a sport such as tennis is instrumental in developing both self-confidence and friendship. It also helps to build an inner core of resilience which can carry you through tough times, as Pat has learned first-hand.

Along the way, as she raised her family and worked, Pat began taking courses in interior design, a passion of hers since childhood. Drawing on her natural gifts, love for color and space and trained professional skills, she was an immediate success as a decorator. Clients praise her rare and uncanny ability to design or update a room which reflects the taste of the owner, not the designer. She never tires of working on projects and gets so involved that Harry once kiddingly complained to her, “Pat, nobody ever died from lack of decorating.”

In 1994, Pat’s daughter, Page, returned to the Strand from Charleston. At the time Pat was working for another firm, and Page approached her mother with a plan to buy Rose Arbor Fabrics and go into business together. Despite warnings about the difficulties associated with family partnerships, Pat and Page have successfully divided the duties of the business, with Page handling business operations and Pat doing the design work. Some days the two never even see one another, with Page working up front and Pat in the back workroom. Pat says, “The only time we really spend a lot of time together is when we go to market. I look forward to having that time with Page, both for her companionship and her expertise.” The firm has thrived and grown, in part because it has stayed personal and relevant to our lifestyle. Pat and Page select each bolt of fabric in the store rather than ordering en masse according to national trends.

Not long after they purchased Rose Arbor, Pat began to notice subtle changes in Harry that concerned her. He had problems putting numbers together and remembering daily activities. “At first I thought I was the one with the problem,” Pat said. “Harry was my rock; surely I must have forgotten to tell him…” Little by little, however, it became clear that Harry was disappearing before her eyes, suffering from serious, rapid memory loss which would eventually make it impossible for him to work or function independently. At an early age, Pat’s beloved Harry was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. They were completely devastated.

Those unfamiliar with this fatal disease often confuse Alzheimer’s with general dementia. It is a distinct disorder, however, first described by German physician Alois Alzheimer in 1906. As many as 5.3 million Americans are living with the disease which destroys brain cells and is the seventh largest cause of death in the United States. Two abnormal structures, plaques containing protein fragments and tangles formed inside dying brain cells, appear to be the prime suspects in patients’ rapid deterioration. Experts estimate that some 500,000 people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s currently suffer from the disease. In addition to memory loss, some patients suffer from extreme changes in personality that can include paranoia and violent tendencies. Unfortunately, this was the case with Harry Bates.

In describing these sad hard years, Marcia Nichols says, “Watching Pat go through Harry’s illness was horrible. She was heartbroken and devastated, and only a close friend would have known it. They had a wonderful and loving marriage, and her world was suddenly shattered. She remained an example of strength throughout it all, doing what she had to do to survive. I am convinced that Harry was counting on Pat to be strong and do what she had to do for their family to go on. Their love encompassed that understanding of each other.” In 2004, for her own survival, Pat placed Harry in Myrtle Beach Manor where he spent the next four years. On July 13, 2008, Harry succumbed to the disease’s ravages, 14 years after its sad, slow march began.

Having both of her children nearby through these hard years was a blessing for Pat. In the midst of deep sorrow were many happy moments including the marriage of both of their children, young Harry to Brantley Conrad and Page to Skeeter Nash. There was also the celebration of new life in the birth of Harry Bates V, born August 3, 2006 – just three days before Page and Skeeter’s wedding. However, there were additional crises as well, the most difficult of which came in May of 2007 when Brantley was rushed to McLeod Hospital in Florence for the premature birth of baby Gripp who weighed just one pound four ounces at birth. Pat compares the precious newborn to the equivalent of five sticks of butter. Amazingly, Gripp survived. After four and a half months in McLeod’s neo-natal unit, he was welcomed home. Phenomenally, vision problems appear to be his only residual effect. Pat and her family praise McLeod Children’s Hospital for saving the baby’s life. Chosen as the 2009 March of Dimes Poster Child for Horry County, Gripp brings joy to their lives as he continues to thrive.

Today, as always, Pat chooses to focus on the goodness in people and the beautiful in life. She prepares for the holidays as she has always done, by sitting down with her family and going through a drawer filled with special happy memories: hand-made cards, school art projects, and a treasured collection of crudely constructed ornaments which she will hang in places of honor on her tree. For Pat Bates clearly understands that life is not always perfect, but it is always precious and full of grace.