Coupon Queen

By Alice Muschany

Coupon Queen

My teenage daughters make fun of my bargain shopping. If an item isn’t on sale, I refuse to buy it.

One Christmas, my sixteen-year-old handed me a large box wrapped in shiny paper and tied with red ribbons. Inside I found several smaller boxes. The last one revealed my gift – a “Coupon Queen” button.

I wore it proudly.

When the holiday clearance sales began, I stormed down the aisles grabbing decorations, wrapping paper and bows. Hours later, arms loaded down with bargains, I snuck in the back door and overheard my husband and daughters.

“Mom’s late. She must’ve found a super sale,” my oldest said.

The younger one chimed in, “Jeez. I hope it’s something that fits now and not when it’s out of style.”

My husband chided, “Girls, you know as far as your mother’s concerned, finding a bargain is like winning the lottery.”

They all looked up as I slammed the door and rushed by with my loot. I’d show them. My treasures would remain a secret.

On another shopping trip, paper towels were on sale, so I used my ten Bounty coupons before they expired.

My husband spotted the rolls lined up in the cabinet like soldiers and asked, “Are we getting a puppy?”

Penney’s green tag sale had entire racks marked down, plus I had an additional 15% off coupon. Giddy, I bought three identical sweaters, in different colors, and headed home.

Bags rustled as I hurried past my husband to unload my stash. He followed me into the bedroom and watched as I pulled out the matching garments.

Grinning, he asked, “Do we know someone with triplets?”

My youngest daughter walked in and said, “Mom’s slipping. She forgot to buy one in pink.”

Over the years I’ve been burned a time or two. Once I used a fistful of coupons to purchase thirty containers of yogurt at half-price.

My husband opened the fridge and teased, “Eat up. Your yogurt expires in three days.”

When I heard the forecast of heavy snow, I grabbed my coupons and rushed out to stock the shelves. My funny man glanced in the pantry and said, “With all this food, we could survive a blizzard.”

For years, my husband waited impatiently while I dug through my purse for a coupon. One day I rode along with him to Cabelas. When he sat the waders on the counter and pulled out a coupon, I did a double take. The sinking economy must have taken its toll.

“Pardon me. Do I know you?” I asked.

“Very funny. I just saved twenty dollars.”

I called the girls immediately. “You’re not going to believe who just used a coupon.” They chuckled when I told them.

Once my daughters married, it didn’t take them long to find out extra savings come in handy. I stopped by my oldest daughter’s and spotted a stack of coupons on the kitchen counter. I scooped them up and asked, “Are these for me?”

She snatched the coupons out of my hand and said, “Not on my budget!”

My youngest daughter shocked me when she whipped out a coupon holder at the grocery store. Praise the Lord! My frugal ways had rubbed off.

Laughing, I said, “I can see us now. I’ll trade you my Charmin coupon for your Tide.”

My family had become such good bargain hunters, I worried the Coupon Queen might find herself dethroned.

After one of their shopping sprees, the girls stopped by to show off their savvy bargains. The youngest held up half-price bath towels from Kohl’s. When I asked if she remembered to use her coupon for an extra 20% off, her shoulders sagged. The oldest purchased a Bunn coffee maker on sale at Wal-Mart. Having studied the sale ads, I said smugly, “Did you use the Sears competitor ad? They advertised it five dollars cheaper.”

A huge smile spread across my face as I strutted away declaring, “Long Live the Queen!”

He who does not economize will have to agonize

About this writer

  • Alice Muschany Alice Muschany lives in Flint Hill, Missouri. Now that she’s retired, everyone wants a piece of her. When she does find free time, she enjoys writing, photography and hiking. Her grandchildren are her biggest joy.

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11 Responses to “Coupon Queen”

  1. J Smith says:

    How hilarious!!! Keep them coming!

  2. Janice Crowl says:

    Alice…. I am far from home now. I love to read your stories, my friend doesn’t seem so far.


  3. Dorothy Wilber says:

    Enjoyed the article and wish I would take the time to be so frugal. As she pointed out, it really does work!

  4. Pam Barnes says:

    I’ve always admired you, just one more thing to admire you for coupon queen! you go girl, your stories are wonderful, keep them up.

  5. Debbie Schlueter says:

    Great story!! Can’t wait for the next one. Should get us all thinking about our pennies…

  6. Barb Foster says:

    Hail to the Queen! Your story is so true and it was very entertaining to read. Keep up the good work.

  7. Theresa Williams says:

    Great Story Alice! It made me chuckle, because I used to be a coupon saver, and my daughters questioned if it was really worth it, but now one of my daughter does the same thing, and was amazed how much she could save.

  8. teresa says:

    that was great story now I know where julie gets good sense of humor from. keep up the good work.

  9. Mary Jane says:

    Hey Alice, I like your story, Amy is our coupon quenn and she has me saving too. I need to get a coupon saver to keep them in. I hate how many times my coupon has expired before I get to use it.

    Keep on writing your stories are great.
    Maybe you could come up with one on the Cousin Card Club–Dorothy is doing March 6, No one has come up for Feb???

  10. Hamza says:

    Hi Ms. Alice,

    I was so touched and deeply moved for the most beautiful heart touching story “One damaged headlight” from the Chicken Soup for the Soul, were you the one who wrote that wonderful article? I hope so.

    Best regards,
    Hamza Balol
    Saudi Arabia

  11. Marcia Gaye says:

    Thanks Alice, for your story. Aren’t coupons just great? Who would have thought you can cut out a piece of newspaper and use it for cash at the store! Fabulous. And thx for telling me about Sasee. I plan to read much more.

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