Not Good in Bed

By Diane DeVaughn Stokes

Well, hopefully with a title like that you did not rush to reading this thinking it was going to be some kind of kinky story. If so, you will be disappointed. Actually though, it is kinky in another kind of way. Let me explain.

I have always loved animals and if my husband would let me, I would have a house and yard full.

I am both a dog lover and cat lover, but because of our work schedule and love of travel, we have cats rather than dogs because they do not have to be walked and pampered as much as dogs. When we are away, my in-laws come over, scoop the poop, add wet food to the dry food I leave out, and with a fresh bowl of water, my two are happy campers.

Tosca is a five-year old calico I adopted when she appeared on TV with me from the North Myrtle Beach Humane Society four and a half years ago in hopes of being adopted. That sweet little tri-colored face, black nose and long white whiskers melted my heart. And when she curled up in my lap during the interview and purred loudly, I looked into the camera and said to the viewers, “Forget about it. She is going home with me”. And boy, did I meet my match. She never shuts up. When I talk, she talks back to me. Like mother, like daughter.

Sonja is also five. She too, was up for adoption from St. Francis Animal Center in Georgetown four years ago. She is a solid white, long-haired princess who came on TV scared to death after the long ride up to Myrtle Beach and shivered when she was handed over to me. At the time, I had just adopted Tosca three weeks earlier, and my fifteen-year old Tisa could not have handled another household intruder, as it took her a while to get used to the ever-talkative Tosca. So I called some elderly friends of mine who loved cats and were thinking of getting one. I told them that she was the sweetest cat and if they did not take her, I was going to have to take her home and cause a serious domestic disturbance. I promised to take her to live with us if they ever got to a point when they could no longer care for her.

And so they adopted Sonja.

You know the rest of the story. Three years later, Sonja needed to move in with us, and we eagerly took her in.

She is a jewel and gets along with Tosca amazingly well. Being the same age, they play together, sleep together and get devilish together.

Tisa recently passed away but maybe she figured there would be more peace for an older cat in heaven than she would ever experience at home again with the two younger mischievous felines.

One of the craziest things is that Sonja can open doors. I know you don’t believe it, but we have a YouTube video to prove it. This is where we get to the kinky part of my story.

We love to have the cats curl up with us in bed.

I encouraged this by taking them into bed with us every night. Well that’s all well and good until daylight sets in, and they start to tease each other acting crazy like they have been smoking catnip.

This behavior is acceptable on weekdays, but not on the weekend when maybe we’d like to sleep past 6:30 am! So, on weekends, once they start acting rambunctious, we chase them into the hallway, shut the bedroom door and try to get back to sleep.

But what always happens is that five minutes later, they are back in the bedroom.

Video camera to the rescue! My husband wanted to see this for himself so he set up his Beta-Cam in the hallway, and you can bet we have the best video of Sonja putting her paws around the elongated handles and holding on until her weight causes the door to open. Tosca sits there cheering her on to victory.

But now for the kinky part!

Because the babies sleep with us, a habit I sadly created, I wake up every day with a kink somewhere in my body. Some days, it’s in my leg from where they sleep all curled up in a ball between my legs. Other days, I have a kink in my neck from them wrapped around my head in order to share my pillow.

And sometimes it’s in my back simply from sleeping in an awkward position so as not to disrupt the sleeping angels. I know they are not good in bed, but I adore them and can’t turn back now. So if you see me around town and I’m all hunched over, or limping, or appear to have a crick in my neck, don’t blame it on age.

Simply know I still do not have the heart to tell Tosca and Sonja that the bedroom is off limits!

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