Mommy Issues

By Erin Spatz

Mommy Issues

When I became pregnant with my first child, all my friends with kids told me about a phenomenon called “Mommy Brain” and “Mommy Time.” The premise of this affliction is that having kids does something to your ability to think and

tell time. Like all moms-to-be, I thought, this will not be me, because I, of course, will be the exception.

Well I was vastly mistaken. The first thing to get me was the “Mommy Time.” With the birth of each child I became five (more) minutes late. So by the time I had baby number four I was, and continue to be, habitually 20 minutes late. Usually, it’s not because I am trying to get ready, but because I am cleaning up the mess that is caused by the kids getting ready. I believe that the fault for this is 50/50. Part my fault for being unable to leave the house a disaster, fit for a perimeter of crime scene tape, and part the kids’ fault for getting ready in every room in the house, including the kitchen.

“Mommy Brain” started around six weeks after my oldest was born. While grocery shopping, I forgot to buy dishwasher soap, so I went back to the store four times. Each time I spent $40 and never got the actual soap. Four times people! I finally had to send Eric to get it. I would walk into the store and completely forget why I was there and then get sidetracked by all the food. If you think that it got better, think again. Here is a list of things that I can attribute to “Mommy Brain.”

  • Driving away with the home phone on the roof of my car, not once but twice
  • Locking my baby in the car
  • Washing my hair three times because I couldn’t remember if I had already washed it
  • Cell phone in the freezer
  • Pull up in the fridge
  • Laundry forgotten in the washing machine
  • Shaving only one leg
  • Forgetting what day of the week it was and thereby forgetting to pick up my child from school
  • Not packing sandwiches in lunch boxes
  • Not remembering to go to work – or going in on a day I wasn’t scheduled
  • Calling my kids by every name in the house, including the dog’s, and still not getting their names right
  • Forgetting that I was cooking dinner, causing it to burn and fill the house with clouds of smoke

I said I would never get “Mommy Brain.” Well, never say never! I am certain there are countless examples of my “Mommy Brain” troubles that I am forgetting because of “Mommy Brain.” Oh the irony…Thankfully no one has been horribly harmed by my affliction. This “Mommy Brain” thing has made me paranoid that I will drive off without one of my kids; which has produced an annoying habit of kid counting. I count the kids continually. I hate math and numbers but I have been forced to this crazy behavior. As for “Mommy Time,” well my family and coworkers are used to it. I am sure they don’t love it but they love me. What kills me is I used to be so punctual. But, alas, that smart and punctual girl is gone, and this late, hot mess, mom of four is here. Late and forgetful, but none the less here!

About this writer

  • Erin Spatz is a writer and blogger living in a quaint town called Pawleys Island. Erin was born in Pennsylvania and raised in Palm Bay, Florida. Five years after her first blog, Erin creatively turned her diary entries into a published book. The book entitled Who Left Me in Charge is a humorous look at parenting and life in general. 
    Erin is married to a minister and Executive Director of Teach My People, Eric Spatz, and they have four children.

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One Response to “Mommy Issues”

  1. Mary Ann says:

    Sent this to my daughter. She was relieved to know she wasn’t the only one with hairy leg! Thanks for a great read.

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