New Years Dance

By Diane DeVaughn Stokes

New Years Dance

Have you ever been out somewhere and the smoke was so bad that you had to take your clothes off in your garage so you did not get the smell in the house? That has been my life story because I am allergic to cigarette smoke. Not only does it make me teary eyed and sneezy, but it also makes me froggy for the next couple of days, and for someone who talks for a living, that is not pretty!

Let’s face it, the situation used to be far worse before all the smoking ordinances, but now it is easy to check places out before you go. However, recently I went to a New Year’s party that was supposed to be smoke-free, but that was only the case in one room. The other two were loaded with carcinogens.

Obviously, I stripped down in the garage when I got home, and then put all my clothes out on the back porch to air out. After all, I did not want my washing machine to smell like smoke! Two days later, I grabbed my dressy black pants off the patio chair to wear them one more time before laundering them. I slipped them on, zipped them up, and put on my new Santa boots, as my husband calls them, when I felt a strange sensation. Something I had never felt before in all my life.

There was a slight wiggle in the crotch.

I first figured I must have imagined it. Then I felt it again. OMG, I couldn’t get my pants unzipped and down fast enough. I was trying to get them off, but that’s impossible while wearing high top boots. I was screaming and scooting around while my cats stared at me, stunned because they’ve never seen their mom jerking around so ridiculously. Then I saw the culprit. A little green lizard flung to the floor more scared than I was. The cats began to chase it from one room to another, while I clumsily chased after them with my pants down to my ankles and my boots still on. I surely did not want them to kill it. I don’t even kill spiders. I prefer to catch them and send them back outside to live out the rest of their lives.

Finally, Tosca my darling calico slapped her paw down on the tiny critter to stop him, and I was able to save his life before he became her dinner. That’s when my husband came home to find me on the floor with my pants down, surrounded by two feisty cats and a frantic lizard. It was quite the scene. Then again, nothing surprises Chuck about me anymore after thirty years of marriage.

Next time I will surely give a hard shaking to all aired-out, smoky clothes before putting them back on. Having a lizard in my pants was not a good way to start off the New Year. Even though I’m sure Geiko would disagree.

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One Response to “New Years Dance”

  1. LOL, now I must go change my pants because I have laughed so hard. Thanks for the chuckle.

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