The Frogs in my Life

By Marianne Taylor

Ladies, from the time we are very small we read many tales which tell us we will have to kiss many frogs before the prince shows up. For those of us reentering the dating scene in the middle of our middle years – beware! It’s a jungle out there. With regard to the commercials on television about the world of dating in later years, look closely – they lie. Beyond a few gray hairs none of the men are in any way, touched by time. No one is overweight, bald or incapacitated in any way. All of them could hop onto a motorcycle at a moment’s notice and drive off into the sunset. My observation is that there are only ten of these men on the planet – and they’re all in the commercials! In so many ways, it is no longer the world you recall. It must be acknowledged that you are also part of the change.

The updated you will find that when you consider whether or not to see someone, your standards have changed. In the past, you most likely never thought about if someone could hear or see. Today, this is a consideration. No matter if it is natural or man-made it’s something to think about – particularly if he’s driving. Teeth are also nice.

In the past, I thought I would only be able to manage one ex-wife. Today, that number is three. It would be nice if one of them was deceased; however, it would be a game changer if all of them were.

Never when I was young could I even think about someone with a prison record. Today, a white collar criminal could be thought about, especially if he is still somewhat wealthy, and I’ve made certain that he is not an ax murderer or something else equally terrible.

Even with all these adaptations, I have had to adopt a more basic yard stick. It starts with “Did he buy the coffee?” This has become the first question my sisters ask whenever someone new is discussed. I am still stunned and amazed by the following examples.

Frog No. 1 – At his invitation, we met for coffee. I watched him buy himself a triple latte something. He did not ask if he could get me anything. I dug in. “I am not going to buy my own damn cup of coffee,” I said to myself. After five minutes or so, alas, I felt one of my terrible headaches coming on. I left. I did not even say, “It was nice to meet you,” because it wasn’t.

Frog No. 2 – This person I had known for a while as part of a group. He called and asked to meet for coffee as he had something important to discuss. He was waiting when I arrived, said he didn’t want anything and took a seat. Again, I dug in and silently refused to buy myself a cup of coffee. To my amazement, he wanted to talk about a serious relationship. To myself, I thought, “A serious relationship and you didn’t ask me if I wanted anything! No coffee? Is this an omen of what’s to come?” Ha!

Frog No. 3 – Now I have to say this one did buy the cup of coffee. For the next ten minutes he talked nonstop about his career in radio. I said “uhhuh” once and “that’s nice” once. Then he said he had to leave.

Frog No 4 – This man lives in my building. He told me we belonged together. His English was marginal, but I finally was able to ask his name and agreed to a cup of coffee. He never showed up.Frog No. 5 – We never got as far as coffee. Over the holidays, I put up a sign saying I was driving to Ohio, and to let me know if anyone needed a ride. This man offered to drive me to Ohio. I asked if he had family or was visiting someone. His answer was that he didn’t know a soul there; however, he would be happy to get me to wherever I was going. He would just wait in the driveway no matter how long it took. I did call my brother-in-law to ask if he minded if someone sat in his driveway for four days.

Frog No. 6 – He was the owner of a phone store. His English was so-so, and he said as he helped me pick out a phone that he needed help with his English. I told him I taught English overseas, and we agreed to coffee. On my way out he told me he thought I was wholesome, and he liked that I had good behavior. I am still waiting for my approval from the Wisconsin Dairy Association.

Frog 7 – In conclusion, this man bought dinner! Yes, dinner! In the course of conversation, I asked what he would do if he knew he had another fifteen or twenty years of good health ahead of him. He related, in all honesty, that he would stop and pick me up and we would head for an island somewhere. Imagine my surprise a couple of weeks later when I asked him to go with me to the airport and drive my car back. He was not kidding when he said he would give me a break and only charge $40. Damn! I wondered how much the ticket to that island was going to cost!Frog 8 – This man was an older cab driver. He was a Sikh. As he drove he related he was looking for a new wife. I wished him well in his endeavor. He looked in the rear view mirror and said, “You look like a nice lady.” “Me! Oh, I’m not very nice at all. I don’t go to church much, I like to drink and smoke and use swear words. Now, how much longer is this damn ride going to take?” Sometimes you have to prove your point.

I will close with the following observation. At this point, I am not certain the prince will arrive. He is probably out there somewhere, stuck in traffic. As for the rest of it, I believe I am proof of the adage that hope is eternal.

About this writer

  • Marianne Taylor

    Marianne Taylor

    Marianne Taylor is a recently retired social worker/teacher/paralegal. She made a reentry into the dating world after a long marriage and resides in Washington D.C.

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2 Responses to “The Frogs in my Life”

  1. Linda O'Connell says:

    Marianne, this was a most delightful and humorous read. i have so many friends who can relate. One gal calls it sexless and single in the city.

  2. Anna Riley says:

    I can relate! But at least you have noticed the “frogs” before a relationship starts. I’ve actually dated some before I realized they are of the frog world! lol Keep your chin up! There is hope, I’m sure!

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