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Liz Pardue-Schultz

Nude Manifesto: An Artist’s Model Comes Clean

I’ve been an artist’s model for 14 years now, and I’d tell anyone that I genuinely love it, although not for the decent money or because I get my kicks from exhibitionism. Our society frowns on those who have the audacity to enjoy ourselves without any clothes on, but, honestly, a state of nudity has […]

Elvis, Poisoning and a Gas Station Healing

“Let’s go to GRACELAND!” Liz shrieked, with an excitement that I’d come to recognize as a forewarning to a wild ride. It was a Friday night in mid-January, and my roommate and I had spent the previous hour in our dorm room thinking of last-minute escapes from the impending weekend boredom that always settled over […]

A Divine Selfie

By Liz Pardue-Schultz

A Divine Selfie

“It’s PERFECT! You’re BEAUTIFUL! We got it on the first try!” my 7-year-old daughter excitedly proclaimed as she looked at the new image in my camera’s screen. She had just watched me contort myself into a photo-worthy position, hold it, and smile convincingly before she took my picture for a monthly yoga selfie challenge I […]

A Wonderful Day at the Cemetery

By Liz Pardue-Schultz

A Wonderful Day at the Cemetery

After three weeks of hearing her beg, I finally took my 5-year-old daughter to a graveyard. Please note that this was not in apropos to Halloween, we had not recently known anyone who passed away, nor had death or burial come up in any sort of conversation around her. Chloe simply wanted to go after […]

My Hideous Engagement

By Liz Pardue-Schultz

My Hideous Engagement

If my house was to catch fire in the middle of the night, I would grab my husband, my daughter and a twisty-tie before I ran to safety. That sounds weird when I say it like that. Let me try again. When wives gab about how “ruined” their proposals were because “It started raining on […]

The Wedding I Never Dreamed Of

By Liz Pardue-Schultz

The Wedding I Never Dreamed Of

After a day of dragging me around Charleston looking for bridesmaids dresses only to watch me shrug, tell her to wear whatever she was comfortable in, and ask if we could go by Sticky Fingers on the way home, my exasperated sister announced to everyone within earshot that I was “The Worst Bride EVER.” The […]

Thanks for the Mammaries

By Liz Pardue-Schultz

Thanks for the Mammories

I’ve always had amazing boobs. One weekend in the 5th grade, I sprouted these C-cup masterpieces, much to the chagrin of my female classmates and the befuddled amusement of the boys. Years later, a childhood friend told me I’d been known as “the second girl in our town to need a bra,” which I wasn’t […]

“She won’t stop singing.” This wasn’t the news my mother was anticipating when she was called in for an impromptu conference with her youngest daughter’s kindergarten teacher. Relieved, my mother shrugged and replied, “She’s a happy child.” What my bemused mother couldn’t have foreseen that day was how routine this experience would become as Margaret […]