Sharing the Joy and the Pain: Sue Cranford

Sue Cranford and her husband Jimmy have lived in Myrtle Beach since 1977, when Jimmy brought his bride to the area after accepting a position with Chicora as a property manager. They were just another happy family until an unthinkable tragedy altered their lives forever. Since that time, both Sue and Jimmy have shared their experience through public speaking and one-on-one conversations with grieving families, hoping to help others navigate the pain that comes with losing a child.

“I was raised in Midland, North Carolina, a little town not far from Charlotte,” Sue told me as we began our chat. “I had loving parents and was raised across the road from my grandparents. It was a wonderful childhood.” Sue met Jimmy at Western Carolina University and the two knew this was forever. After Jimmy graduated, the couple married and moved to Georgia. Jimmy went to work, and Sue went back to school, graduating from Auburn University with a degree in Special Education.

Four years after their move to Myrtle Beach, Jimmy started his own property management business, which became extremely successful, with clients along the coast from North Carolina to Charleston. The couple had two sons, Chad and Shaun, and were active in church and a wide range of community activities. Life was good for the Cranfords. “Before we moved to Myrtle Beach, I worked in residential centers, and after we moved, I taught in the public schools,” Sue said. “It was very rewarding and fulfilling work.”

“After Chad was born, I didn’t work for a year,” Sue remembered. “Then I helped start a preschool in North Myrtle Beach. After Shaun was born, I went to work for St. Phillip’s Lutheran Church Preschool and taught three and four year olds until I retired.” Sue told me this was a wonderful job for a mother, and she loved every minute of her career.

I asked Sue if she would mind talking about Chad, and she replied, “We think it’s an honor, and feel touched when people talk about Chad. When someone sends us a note saying they’re thinking about him it means so much.” Shaun and his wife have two children, William Chadwick, 9, and Hayes Leigh, 7, and both children know all about their Uncle Chad, even though they were never able to meet him.

Chad graduated from Myrtle Beach High School in 1996. He was an athlete, playing on the high school soccer team, and was very involved in First Presbyterian Church’s youth group, even though the Cranford’s were Lutheran at the time. “Shaun was in First Methodist Church’s youth group,” Sue added. “We wanted our children to be involved wherever they felt comfortable.”

Clemson fans from birth, both Chad and Shaun never considered another college. On December 10, 1996, Chad, a freshman, walked into his dorm room and said, “I don’t feel…,” and dropped to the floor. “His heart skipped a beat and he died,” Sue told me, remembering. “The autopsy found nothing wrong with him, but they think it was ventricular fibrillation.”

“I was cooking dinner, and Shaun was at soccer practice,” Sue continued, telling me about the day Chad died. “A doctor from Clemson called and said Chad was in the emergency room.” Naturally, Sue thought her son had been in a car accident, but the doctor gently explained what happened. “I asked Jimmy’s secretary to ask him to come home, and I told him. He fell apart.” The couple then brought Shaun home from soccer practice and told him the awful news. “Seeing Jimmy cry gave Shaun permission to cry,” Sue told me, and paused a moment before continuing.

Chad’s loss rocked the close knit Myrtle Beach community. “We found out that the Grand Strand is the most loving, caring community you can imagine,” Sue said. “We had ministers from so many churches come to be with us. Two friends started a food chain that brought us two meals a week for six months.” The outpouring of love made an unbearable situation a little more bearable for the Cranfords, and the love continued to flow to this grieving family. “One day the doorbell rang and two of my girlfriends came in to help with thank you notes. They didn’t think I needed to do it alone.”

Sue and Jimmy started a scholarship at Myrtle Beach High School in Chad’s memory, and asked for donations instead of flowers. Since then, two major fundraisers and continued contributions fund the scholarship that provides $1,000 a year for four years of college to students in need. “We wanted the award to go to average kids who show the true Seahawk spirit. I still present the award every year.”

“I do a lot of public speaking about grief,” Sue said. “People really don’t know what to say in these situations, but the only wrong thing to say is nothing.” Sue told me they heard some of the craziest comments after Chad died, and the three Cranfords would compare notes every night about who heard the most inappropriate comment. “If someone you love has a tragedy, don’t ask them what you can do – just do something. It will be appreciated.”

“I don’t know how people put their feet on the floor in the morning without faith,” Sue shared when I asked how they got through such a horrible tragedy. “Was our faith shaken? Yes, but we realized that’s what faith is all about. The faith community did incredible things for us.” Sue told me that because Chad and Shaun were so close, more than best friends, the 15 year old suffered in the months and years after losing his brother. Again, the community stepped in to help. “A friend from First Methodist Church and a Chrysalis leader would pick him up after school and take him for ice cream. Afterward, they would let us know how he was doing.” Sue said Chad’s friends adopted Shaun, and some are still in touch today. “Even now, Chad’s friends remember his birthday and the anniversary of his death.”

Today, Sue and Jimmy are always ready to help anyone who loses a child. “We try to go to them immediately. We want to give them hope that they will survive. Our calling is to help others who have faced the same tragedy.” Continuing, Sue said, “Life will get back to normal, but it is a new normal. Everything about our lives changed, but we came out on the other side of it. Prayer, friends and family keep you going.”

And life does go on. Less than two years later, Sue’s mother was killed in a car accident and two years after that, they lost Jimmy’s mother to cancer. But this incredible couple leaned on each other for support through it all and built a life filled with love and friendship. “Shaun is 39 now,” Sue told me, her voice filled with love. “And I have the most fabulous daughter-in-law – her family includes us in everything they do. Shaun met Allison at Clemson, and she has been a gift to us all.”

And, yes, Shaun followed in his brother’s footsteps and graduated from Clemson, even though his parents were worried it would be too hard for him. “The people at Clemson were wonderful. The day we took him, Shaun had homemade cookies in his room and every year, someone called to check on him on the anniversary of Chad’s death.” Sue said Clemson staff still gets in touch when they vacation in the area.

“I think having a teenager to raise helped us keep going,” Sue added. And the couple’s many friends stayed in close touch. “They made sure we were busy.” The need to help others became a way to heal themselves, and the Cranfords continued serving on boards and working in community fundraisers to help those less fortunate. “There are too many people in need for us to sit and not do anything.”

“I wake up every morning and think today is going to be the best day. It’s a joy to wake up,” answered Sue when I asked about her life today. “We stay in because of COVID since we’re older, 69 and 70. Even though we’re not totally isolated, we are very careful.” Before the virus, the Cranfords had activities multiple times a week, from supper club to church to Western Carolina alumnus groups.

“Jimmy is involved in a group of men who support Myrtle Beach High School.” Sue said. “Every Friday night he and his group of friends would go to the games, both home and away.” Those Friday nights became Sue’s time for herself. “I love to see Myrtle Beach succeed, it means I get my Friday night alone time,” she told me laughing. Sue continued more seriously, “One day, I realized I was taking care of Jimmy, taking care of Shaun, and I was still working. I was taking care everyone but myself. I knew I had to start taking care of Sue.” That’s when she decided to retire from her long teaching career and focus on herself.

“We tell families we visit or if I speak to a group, that you can get through it. Let your friends and family do things for you. It’s good for them too.” Sue added, “It’s okay to have a pity party. Jimmy and I still have major pity parties. But don’t forget to get on your knees and thank God for your life.”

“I’m not perfect,” Sue stressed. “I was mad at God, but I was told that was okay, and I would get through it. And I did.” Today, Sue tells grieving parents that it’s okay to question, it’s okay to grieve in your own way. “There are no rules to grieving. Everyone does it differently,” Sue said as we finished our conversation. “Do it your way. Grief lasts forever, it just changes form. Let it happen. And don’t forget to laugh and enjoy your life.”