Shopping at Large

By Erica Allen McGee

My mother loved my husband, and she really loved the fact that her son-in-law is a published North Carolina author. She would always say how smart and full of ideas he was, bragging about him any chance she got. She would even quote him from time to time. One of her favorites was…

“A person’s most important tool in life is the power of observation.” 

I think she liked that one because, well, let’s just say observation had never been one of her gifts. I suppose as she grew older, the power of distraction became one of her more predominant traits. As her stress level would rise, her attention to detail would commence to suffering. So, it should have come as no surprise that during the holiday season, with all the grocery lists, sales, coupons, cards, and general gift-buying mayhem, she would, from time to time, have a lapse in awareness.

It was Black Friday some years ago, and Mom was at her favorite discount department store. You know, the ones that have everything and nothing all in the same store.  She called and told me she had been toying with the idea of getting that season’s HOT must-have gift, THE SNUGGIE, for my daughter and had found them on sale in a plethora of colors and styles.  She loved trying to be trendy with her present purchases. She hoped that the family would think she was the coolest. Presents aside, she was.  I expected that not only would my daughter receive a SNUGGIE, but there would also be a pile of them beneath the tree for us all.

I was surprised to get another call from her not 30 minutes later.  She was breathing heavily and spoke in a labored whisper. I immediately asked what was wrong. In her thick southern accent, she explained,

“Whhhell, I had pushed my buggy over to the 12-foot pyramid of the SNUGGIES, chose the leopard print ones, and then went to check out. I gave my items to the cashier, wished her a “Happy Holidays” with the utmost cheer, got my bags, and rolled towards the exit.

BUT

After I got to the car, I looked down into my buggy, and I couldn’t believe my eyes!  Someone had stolen my shopping bags with all my gifts right out of my cart! I quickly retraced my steps back to the SNUGGIE tower…nothing. I looked in the bathroom…not a bag in sight! I decided I had to tell someone there was a thief among us, so I went to the customer service desk to ask for help, and the store manager was shocked! She responded with an, ‘OH NO, THEY DID NOT!’  and grabbed the intercom microphone.  She was going into full-scale, code-red lockdown!

Honey, I was so excited that I clapped my hands together in jubilation.  Unfortunately, that joy quickly disappeared as I looked down to see my bags swinging freely from my arms.  As I held out the offending appendages, the bags hung like big, ugly gray ornaments on a poorly decorated Christmas tree.  She saw the evidence dangling from my limbs, accuser and criminal all in one. I simply looked at her and said, ‘I need to go home.’  Which I then did.”

I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from hysterically laughing directly into the phone. She felt silly enough as it was; I didn’t need to add any more drama around SNUGGIE-gate. I simply told her it was fine…which it was, and that it happens to us all…which it does, and I was sure that the incident would be forgotten by tomorrow. Even though she agreed, she never again returned to the scene of her own crime.

While obtaining it was a harrowing experience, the SNUGGIE was a huge hit with my daughter. Nana felt very cool. Hopefully, no one will ever find out she almost sent herself to jail trying to buy it!