{"id":16356,"date":"2020-01-01T09:00:48","date_gmt":"2020-01-01T14:00:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sasee.wpenginepowered.com\/?p=16356"},"modified":"2024-03-26T15:08:45","modified_gmt":"2024-03-26T19:08:45","slug":"out-to-lunch","status":"publish","type":"essay","link":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/essay\/out-to-lunch\/","title":{"rendered":"Out to Lunch"},"content":{"rendered":"

Because I know her parents don\u2019t approve of her having candy, I took her aside and in a conspiratorial tone, I said, \u2018Georgia, if you poop in the potty, Ama will give you candy.\u2019<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n

My college roomie from 45 years ago asked me to lunch to celebrate my birthday.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnywhere you wanna go,\u201d Cora wrote.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou pick.\u201d<\/p>\n

She suggested our usual haunts.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s go somewhere new?\u201d I said, recalling an Internet article stating that older folks should vary routines and not frequent the same old supermarkets, gas stations, and restaurants. Yet, I know why \u201cseniors\u201d do that; it\u2019s because they feel comfortable at those familiar places, and besides, it\u2019s harder to get lost if you know the route.<\/p>\n

Cora suggested a place near Research Triangle Park where her son used to take new IBM hires. She made the 12:30 reservation. I plugged the address into my Garmin which wouldn\u2019t take the exact address. So, I improvised, pecking in the closest numbers it would take \u2013 a nearby strip mall. From there, I navigated to the restaurant\u2019s overflowing parking lot. As I approached, polite men in suits held the door open. Every table, booth and bar stool was occupied. Thank goodness Cora had a reservation \u2013 something I\u2019m too disorganized to ever do.<\/p>\n

The hostess escorted me to a bank of seats in the back, near a waiter\u2019s station. Promptly a tall, young, Hispanic waiter approached asking me for my drink order.<\/p>\n

\u201cWater,\u201d I said. Did he look faintly disappointed?<\/p>\n

Cora came. The waiter popped up to fill her drink order.<\/p>\n

\u201cWater, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

We blabbed. We sipped. Soon, he appeared to take our food orders. After which, Cora slid over a gaily decorated present and a card. \u201cThe gift is an Oprah pick; the card I found months ago. When I saw it, it just looked like us.\u201d<\/p>\n

I opened the pink envelope to see a photo of two elderly ladies standing behind a nude male statue with one of the old dears fondling the statue\u2019s butt.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho\u2019s who?\u201d I asked. We laughed.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe could be either one.\u201d She then added, \u201cYou told me you had a funny story about visiting your grandkids last month?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy son and wife are trying to potty train their toddler. Although she\u2019s got half of it down, she refuses to poop in the potty. Because I know her parents don\u2019t approve of her having candy, I took her aside and in a conspiratorial tone, I said, \u2018Georgia, if you poop in the potty, Ama will give you candy.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Cora nodded.<\/p>\n

My granddaughter stared at my pants\u2019 pockets. \u201cHoney I don\u2019t have it on me, but if you poop, I\u2019ll climb to the third floor where my suitcase is and get it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2018Ama, can I have some now?\u2019 she asked. I knew dinner would be served soon, and her other grandma was coming to prepare it, so I hurriedly clambered up those many steps and returned, clandestinely slipping her the Andes green mints, while reminding her of her promise with a wink and a nod.<\/p>\n

Soon Georgia\u2019s other grandma arrived with a bag full of groceries, a rice cooker, and a lot of energy. Unlike me, her other grandma does everything in an accomplished way. She\u2019s a whiz at designing, landscaping, travel-planning, event-organizing, managing a business. You name it. Did I mention she\u2019s a professionally-degreed architect, a CEO, a stylish dresser, well-groomed, toned, thin and \u2026a gourmet chef? Perfect.<\/p>\n

Half-heartedly, I offered to help. In the interest of good cuisine, I figured I\u2019d better stay away. I joined her husband playing with the grandkids in the den while ordering my own husband to fetch the bottles of wine, Maxville, we\u2019d toted with us. I prayed it would be tasty because my son\u2019s New York in-laws are also wine connoisseurs, unlike us, who forget to sniff the Kirkland corks.<\/p>\n

Yet, I\u2019m not going to blame the denouement on my consumption of the delicious wine, which paired nicely with the seafood dish prepared by the competent grandma.<\/p>\n

\u2018Eat more,\u2019 insisted my son\u2019s mother-in-law. My husband hustled over for seconds or was that thirds he scooped out of the large wok?<\/p>\n

\u2018Erika, you\u2019re not eating enough! Don\u2019t you like my cooking?\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018It\u2019s delicious!\u2019 then I turned to her husband, \u2018Tom, you\u2019re lucky to have a wife who can cook well and do it seemingly effortlessly.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018But I have no dessert to serve you. I like something sweet,\u2019 she complained with a pout.<\/p>\n

After another guzzle of wine and before I knew it, I blurted, \u2018Well. I have candy upstairs. I\u2019ll get it \u2013if you poop in the potty.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

\u201cYou didn\u2019t say that!\u201d Cora asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cUnfortunately, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow did everyone react?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStony silence.\u00a0 Georgia looked at me, half-smiling. My son laughed. My husband choked. Finally, Georgia\u2019s other grandma said, \u2018I have no problem pooping.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Cora and I chortled. The waiter appeared.<\/p>\n

\u201cMay I ask for a doggie bag for my left-over pork?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re the birthday girl. You need dessert!\u201d said Cora. She ordered carrot cake; I ordered chocolate pot de cr\u00e8me. My only glass of water was gone so I asked for more.<\/p>\n

While we chatted, he brought the desserts. He then mingled amiably with young folks nearby. We finished desserts. Again, I asked him for a refill of water. He left and returned with the bill. No water. Cora placed her credit card in the black folder which he then collected. I repeated my request for water.<\/p>\n

He brought the bill which she filled in but no pitcher. The guy recommenced to jawboning with the neighboring table. I was parched. \u201cExcuse me,\u201d I said. \u201cCould I have some water?\u201d I pointed to my glass. He abruptly strode off. My friend, always a generous tipper, remarked, \u201cI thought it was a good tip I left him.\u201d<\/p>\n

He returned and filled our glasses to the brim, almost overflowing mine. I commented cheerily, \u201cThat chocolate pot de cr\u00e8me really left me thirsty.\u201d I smiled.<\/p>\n

He stopped pouring and stared at us. Strangely.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t understand,\u201d he declared. \u201cBy explaining yourself to me, you are creating a GOVERNING DYNAMIC! I am your waiter. It\u2019s up to me to just get you water. No need to explain about being thirsty. The waiter in the back hall could have gotten your water, but I\u2019ll take care of you as long as you are here\u2026\u201d Cora and I sat dumbfounded, still, mute, not laughing for the first time, and definitely not making eye contact with the lanky waiter looming over us. He left but lurked nearby at the waiter\u2019s station.<\/p>\n

\u201cGeesh,\u201d I whispered, \u201cWhat was that about?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe must be taking a class in some school and just learned that term.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re one of the last here; you think we\u2019re holding him up?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy son said the food was good but didn\u2019t mention anything about the service.\u201d<\/p>\n

As we left, I asked, \u201cIs he following us?\u201d She laughed\u2026 but looked back. \u201cLet me drive you to your car since it\u2019s parked so far away \u2013 and who knows where lurking Lurch, \u2013 our intimidating, angry, bizarre server is?\u201d<\/p>\n

Going out with one\u2019s old buddy for lunch can be a barrel of fun, a lot of laughs and chuckles, but who knew there\u2019d be a Twilight Zone dollop of weird waiter horror thrown in as a side dish? Yet, it did make my 60-plus-some birthday memorable! Always a silver lining!<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Because I know her parents don\u2019t approve of her having candy, I took her aside and in a conspiratorial tone, I said, \u2018Georgia, if you poop in the potty, Ama […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":21561,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_tec_requires_first_save":true,"_gspb_post_css":"","_EventAllDay":false,"_EventTimezone":"","_EventStartDate":"","_EventEndDate":"","_EventStartDateUTC":"","_EventEndDateUTC":"","_EventShowMap":false,"_EventShowMapLink":false,"_EventURL":"","_EventCost":"","_EventCostDescription":"","_EventCurrencySymbol":"","_EventCurrencyCode":"","_EventCurrencyPosition":"","_EventDateTimeSeparator":"","_EventTimeRangeSeparator":"","_EventOrganizerID":[],"_EventVenueID":[],"_OrganizerEmail":"","_OrganizerPhone":"","_OrganizerWebsite":"","_VenueAddress":"","_VenueCity":"","_VenueCountry":"","_VenueProvince":"","_VenueState":"","_VenueZip":"","_VenuePhone":"","_VenueURL":"","_VenueStateProvince":"","_VenueLat":"","_VenueLng":"","_VenueShowMap":false,"_VenueShowMapLink":false,"_tribe_blocks_recurrence_rules":"","_tribe_blocks_recurrence_description":"","_tribe_blocks_recurrence_exclusions":"","footnotes":""},"essay_type":[46],"essay-category":[93],"class_list":["post-16356","essay","type-essay","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","essay_type-features","essay-category-food-drink"],"blocksy_meta":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/essay\/16356","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/essay"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/essay"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16356"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/essay\/16356\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/21561"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16356"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"essay_type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/essay_type?post=16356"},{"taxonomy":"essay-category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/essay-category?post=16356"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}