{"id":16405,"date":"2020-02-01T09:00:25","date_gmt":"2020-02-01T14:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sasee.wpenginepowered.com\/?p=16405"},"modified":"2024-03-26T15:08:44","modified_gmt":"2024-03-26T19:08:44","slug":"the-saga-of-home-improvement-drama","status":"publish","type":"essay","link":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/essay\/the-saga-of-home-improvement-drama\/","title":{"rendered":"The Saga of Home Improvement Drama"},"content":{"rendered":"

It all started with ten little words: Honey, I need to make a quick trip to Lowe’s.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n

My husband, Eric, is quite handy around the house. His current home improvement project is putting up and finishing the dry wall in the garage addition at his mom\u2019s house. When he\u2019s done with that, he\u2019s planning to put up crown molding in our living room.<\/p>\n

In some ways, having a handy husband is a good thing. It saves money because most people have to pay someone to do the jobs he does himself. Plus, he tends to be a perfectionist, so the projects are done really, really well.<\/p>\n

I know I should be grateful. Really. A lot of women would love to have a husband who is willing and able to tackle home improvement projects. I am thankful. But there\u2019s one major drawback to Eric\u2019s handiness.<\/p>\n

It all starts with ten little words: Honey, I need to make a quick trip to Lowe\u2019s.<\/p>\n

Now, these ten words may sound innocuous. You might think they\u2019re no big deal. But these words fill me with dread like no others.<\/p>\n

Because there\u2019s no such thing as \u201ca quick trip\u201d to Lowe\u2019s. A quick stop for one item has turned into a two-hour, feels-like-two-days, will-this-never-end saga of home improvement drama. (Eric makes it a saga, but I definitely bring the drama.)<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not exaggerating when I tell you that I have literally fallen asleep in a Lowe\u2019s store, waiting for Eric to choose whatever lumber, flooring, or electrical supplies he needed on that particular day. Now, I\u2019ve come to learn that a trip to Lowe\u2019s in the spring and summer time is not nearly as miserable as going in the fall and winter. This is true for one very important reason. In the spring and summer, Lowe\u2019s has an entire section of the store devoted to patio furniture. This means a place to sit down when our visit exceeds what I deem an acceptable amount of time to be in one store. But in the fall and winter, the patio furniture disappears to make room for the Christmas decorations. These are beautiful, of course. But not a comfortable place for a nap when your husband gets sucked into the space time continuum that is every home improvement store in the country.<\/p>\n

At one point, my youngest son, Nathan, actually had his second home at our Lowe\u2019s store. He didn\u2019t actually live there, but he loved to pretend he did. Every time we walked into the store, he would beg to go to the door section. He loved the big, fancy doors with the glass sidelights. He would stand behind the door and wait for me to knock on it. Then he\u2019d open it, pretend to be so surprised that I\u2019d dropped by for a visit, and then welcome me inside. I\u2019d enter his \u201chome,\u201d he\u2019d offer me a drink and sometimes even a cookie, and then he\u2019d thank me for visiting and usher me out the door. I knew the rules. I was to count to five and then knock on the door again.<\/p>\n

Imagine doing this for two hours straight. I don\u2019t have to imagine it because I\u2019ve lived it. Dozens of times.<\/p>\n

For some reason, Eric rarely knows he needs to make his \u201cquick trip\u201d to Lowe\u2019s while we\u2019re at home. If I knew that\u2019s where he was heading, I\u2019d just stay home. But he always seems to remember that he needs to go there when we\u2019re already out running other errands. I find myself at home improvement stores way more often \u2013 and for far longer \u2013 than I\u2019d like.<\/p>\n

But to be fair, I do occasionally drag Eric to the mall. And while that\u2019s enjoyable for me, it\u2019s the equivalent of a never-ending trip to Lowe\u2019s for my husband.<\/p>\n

Both have benefits. After a trip to the home improvement store, our house usually looks better. And I\u2019d like to think I look a little better after shopping at the mall.<\/p>\n

Numerous times, I\u2019ve tried to explain to Eric that the mall isn\u2019t nearly as boring as Lowe\u2019s. \u201cThere are different kinds of stores,\u201d I say. \u201cThat makes it more interesting than one store that sells all the same stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n

To which, of course, he explains that all of the different departments at Lowe\u2019s are like their own individual stores, so it\u2019s the same thing.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut there\u2019s food at the mall,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n

He shrugs. He doesn\u2019t have an answer for that one. After all, hot pretzels and smoothies are hard to argue with.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlus,\u201d I say triumphantly, \u201cat the mall, the chairs are always there. They don\u2019t take them away in the wintertime the way Lowe\u2019s does.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut then you can walk around and look at the Christmas trees,\u201d he says every time.<\/p>\n

To which I reply, \u201cThe mall has a Christmas tree too. Plus a Santa and some reindeer.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eric sighs, and I remember that we aren\u2019t going to solve this, no matter how many times we talk about it.<\/p>\n

The truth is, I hate home improvement stores. But I do like having my home improved.<\/p>\n

More importantly, I love my husband, and he loves home improvement stores.<\/p>\n

Which means I find myself there all too often. For long periods of time, and frequently in the winter, when the patio furniture is missing.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll have to ask Nathan to move a couch into his house at Lowe\u2019s. Then when he invites me in and offers me an imaginary cookie, I\u2019ll just pretend I\u2019m at the mall.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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