{"id":18117,"date":"2020-08-01T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-08-01T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sasee.wpenginepowered.com\/?post_type=essay&p=18117"},"modified":"2024-03-26T15:08:40","modified_gmt":"2024-03-26T19:08:40","slug":"the-good-the-bad-and-the-oldie","status":"publish","type":"essay","link":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/essay\/the-good-the-bad-and-the-oldie\/","title":{"rendered":"The Good, The Bad, and The Oldie"},"content":{"rendered":"

Running from one department store to another, I tried on dozens of hip outfits, and each one made me feel like I was modeling a Halloween costume.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I was talking to my brother on the phone the other day. \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh, you know. The old back is acting up again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI know what you mean. I get the same thing and then my left leg goes numb,\u201d I answered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s nothing. When the crick in my neck starts up, I see stars,\u201d he explained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah, it starts in the neck then shoots right down the shoulder,\u201d I added. \u201cBut it can\u2019t be worse than that burning feeling I get in my hands.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGeez, that burning feeling is horrible. Probably arthritis,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah, arthritis\u2026or something worse.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYeah\u2026or something even worse,\u201d he mumbled. \u201cIt keeps me up at night, and just when I finally do drop off to sleep, I have to get up to go to the bathroom.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cHow many times do you get up to go to the bathroom?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFour times a night.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ve got you beat there. I get up five times.\u201d It was a competition I wasn\u2019t exactly thrilled to win. \u201cEver lose your balance?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf I stand up too fast \u2013 and you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf I stand up too fast, sit down too fast, if I close my eyes\u2026\u201d I explained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell, you\u2019ve always been a little unbalanced anyway,\u201d he said. I could hear him snickering on his end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI guess we\u2019re just getting old,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGetting old? Don\u2019t be ridiculous,\u201d he answered. \u201cWe\u2019re not getting old. We ARE old!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With that we both laughed like two old codgers do when they realize the inevitable truth. Then we ended the conversation with words our Dad, the old philosopher, passed on to us many years ago. \u201cSometimes you just have to take the good with the bad.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have to admit that the golden years did kind of sneak up on me. One day I looked in the bathroom mirror and I spotted a gray hair. I actually thought it was funny. Me, still so young, so vibrant, with a gray hair. I shrugged my shoulders and forgot about it. A couple of weeks later that single gray blade turned into a silvery patch. Interesting, I thought, premature gray. It actually made me look a bit distinguished. But, a few months after that, I found myself staring in that same mirror, a reflection of a gray mop staring back at me. It was only then that I began to notice the map of lines and creases that were etching into a face that now looked more like the Wicked Witch of the West than Dorothy of Kansas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I immediately ran down to the local pharmacy and searched the shelves for a coloring that would bring back my former luster. I wanted something that would look natural enough so that no one would ever know that I was dyeing my hair. I think I chose something called Autumn Delight or Almond Beauty. Next, I wandered down the aisle of gels and creams that guaranteed to rid you of those unsightly lines and wrinkles. I even toyed with the idea of sending for some information on the miracles of plastic surgery and its promise to return those youthful years. As far as I was concerned, in my head I was still in my twenties. It was this darn body of mine that was refusing to cooperate. As it turned out, that \u201cnatural\u201d hair color was closer to Bozo the Clown in the sunlight. The wrinkle cream made me feel like a greased pig and it smelled just as bad. And when I researched a face lift, the lifting seemed like way too much trouble.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I started to think that maybe a new wardrobe might wipe away a few of the years that had piled on. Something more \u201cwith it.\u201d I remembered the days when I sacrificed comfort for the newest fad, balancing on platform shoes while trying not to trip over the flare of my bell bottom pants while I avoided choking myself with a string of love beads. Running from one department store to another, I tried on dozens of hip outfits, and each one made me feel like I was modeling a Halloween costume. Each youthful-looking outfit made me look even older. When I began to gravitate to the plaid flannel shirts and sweat pants, my wife rolled her eyes. \u201cWhy don\u2019t you buy some decent clothes instead of dressing like an old man?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I decided to share the hard truth with her. \u201cI AM an old man, and I think this old geezer has earned the right to be comfortable.\u201d I reminded her that Albert Einstein, the smartest man in the world, dressed in over-sized clothes for the sake of comfort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo, you think you\u2019re another Einstein?\u201d she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t say that\u2026and stop bothering me about clothes. I\u2019m trying to figure out if there are any flaws in the theory of relativity.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then there is my favorite \u2013 the senior moment. If I can\u2019t find my glasses (even though they\u2019re resting on top of my head), if I can\u2019t remember whether I shut the stove off and have to ride ten miles back home to check (it\u2019s always shut off), or if I don\u2019t recall who played the tin man in the movie, The Wizard of Oz, someone my age or older is quick to throw me a sympathetic smile and whisper, \u201cYou\u2019re having a senior moment.\u201d If that\u2019s so, then I\u2019ve been having senior moments since I was a senior\u2026in high school! My memory has always been hit or miss. I can sometimes remember things like the name of the first girl I ever danced with in the first grade, but what did I do with those car keys?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have to admit, getting old isn\u2019t all bad. It has its perks. I can ride the bus or the train for half fare. I get a discount at fast food restaurants. I can see a movie at a special senior price. Kids call me sir, as though I\u2019m royalty. When someone accidentally bumps into me, they actually say excuse me, and someone once even offered their seat to me on the subway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, when those old aches and pains of age come calling, they\u2019ll find me lounging around in an over-sized sweat suit, wolfing down a half price burger after seeing an old Betty Davis flick for just a couple of bucks, and thinking of my advanced years philosophically. Sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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