{"id":18338,"date":"2020-09-01T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-09-01T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sasee.wpenginepowered.com\/?post_type=essay&p=18338"},"modified":"2024-03-26T15:08:39","modified_gmt":"2024-03-26T19:08:39","slug":"sharing-the-joy-and-the-pain-sue-cranford","status":"publish","type":"essay","link":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/essay\/sharing-the-joy-and-the-pain-sue-cranford\/","title":{"rendered":"Sharing the Joy and the Pain: Sue Cranford"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sue Cranford and her husband Jimmy have lived in Myrtle Beach since 1977, when Jimmy brought his bride to the area after accepting a position with Chicora as a property manager. They were just another happy family until an unthinkable tragedy altered their lives forever. Since that time, both Sue and Jimmy have shared their experience through public speaking and one-on-one conversations with grieving families, hoping to help others navigate the pain that comes with losing a child.<\/p>\n

\u201cI was raised in Midland, North Carolina, a little town not far from Charlotte,\u201d Sue told me as we began our chat. \u201cI had loving parents and was raised across the road from my grandparents. It was a wonderful childhood.\u201d Sue met Jimmy at Western Carolina University and the two knew this was forever. After Jimmy graduated, the couple married and moved to Georgia. Jimmy went to work, and Sue went back to school, graduating from Auburn University with a degree in Special Education.<\/p>\n

Four years after their move to Myrtle Beach, Jimmy started his own property management business, which became extremely successful, with clients along the coast from North Carolina to Charleston. The couple had two sons, Chad and Shaun, and were active in church and a wide range of community activities. Life was good for the Cranfords. \u201cBefore we moved to Myrtle Beach, I worked in residential centers, and after we moved, I taught in the public schools,\u201d Sue said. \u201cIt was very rewarding and fulfilling work.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter Chad was born, I didn\u2019t work for a year,\u201d Sue remembered. \u201cThen I helped start a preschool in North Myrtle Beach. After Shaun was born, I went to work for St. Phillip\u2019s Lutheran Church Preschool and taught three and four year olds until I retired.\u201d Sue told me this was a wonderful job for a mother, and she loved every minute of her career.<\/p>\n

I asked Sue if she would mind talking about Chad, and she replied, \u201cWe think it\u2019s an honor, and feel touched when people talk about Chad. When someone sends us a note saying they\u2019re thinking about him it means so much.\u201d Shaun and his wife have two children, William Chadwick, 9, and Hayes Leigh, 7, and both children know all about their Uncle Chad, even though they were never able to meet him.<\/p>\n

Chad graduated from Myrtle Beach High School in 1996. He was an athlete, playing on the high school soccer team, and was very involved in First Presbyterian Church\u2019s youth group, even though the Cranford\u2019s were Lutheran at the time. \u201cShaun was in First Methodist Church\u2019s youth group,\u201d Sue added. \u201cWe wanted our children to be involved wherever they felt comfortable.\u201d<\/p>\n

Clemson fans from birth, both Chad and Shaun never considered another college. On December 10, 1996, Chad, a freshman, walked into his dorm room and said, \u201cI don\u2019t feel\u2026,\u201d and dropped to the floor. \u201cHis heart skipped a beat and he died,\u201d Sue told me, remembering. \u201cThe autopsy found nothing wrong with him, but they think it was ventricular fibrillation.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was cooking dinner, and Shaun was at soccer practice,\u201d Sue continued, telling me about the day Chad died. \u201cA doctor from Clemson called and said Chad was in the emergency room.\u201d Naturally, Sue thought her son had been in a car accident, but the doctor gently explained what happened. \u201cI asked Jimmy\u2019s secretary to ask him to come home, and I told him. He fell apart.\u201d The couple then brought Shaun home from soccer practice and told him the awful news. \u201cSeeing Jimmy cry gave Shaun permission to cry,\u201d Sue told me, and paused a moment before continuing.<\/p>\n

\"\"Chad\u2019s loss rocked the close knit Myrtle Beach community. \u201cWe found out that the Grand Strand is the most loving, caring community you can imagine,\u201d Sue said. \u201cWe had ministers from so many churches come to be with us. Two friends started a food chain that brought us two meals a week for six months.\u201d The outpouring of love made an unbearable situation a little more bearable for the Cranfords, and the love continued to flow to this grieving family. \u201cOne day the doorbell rang and two of my girlfriends came in to help with thank you notes. They didn\u2019t think I needed to do it alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sue and Jimmy started a scholarship at Myrtle Beach High School in Chad\u2019s memory, and asked for donations instead of flowers. Since then, two major fundraisers and continued contributions fund the scholarship that provides $1,000 a year for four years of college to students in need. \u201cWe wanted the award to go to average kids who show the true Seahawk spirit. I still present the award every year.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI do a lot of public speaking about grief,\u201d Sue said. \u201cPeople really don\u2019t know what to say in these situations, but the only wrong thing to say is nothing.\u201d Sue told me they heard some of the craziest comments after Chad died, and the three Cranfords would compare notes every night about who heard the most inappropriate comment. \u201cIf someone you love has a tragedy, don\u2019t ask them what you can do \u2013 just do something. It will be appreciated.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know how people put their feet on the floor in the morning without faith,\u201d Sue shared when I asked how they got through such a horrible tragedy. \u201cWas our faith shaken? Yes, but we realized that\u2019s what faith is all about. The faith community did incredible things for us.\u201d Sue told me that because Chad and Shaun were so close, more than best friends, the 15 year old suffered in the months and years after losing his brother. Again, the community stepped in to help. \u201cA friend from First Methodist Church and a Chrysalis leader would pick him up after school and take him for ice cream. Afterward, they would let us know how he was doing.\u201d Sue said Chad\u2019s friends adopted Shaun, and some are still in touch today. \u201cEven now, Chad\u2019s friends remember his birthday and the anniversary of his death.\u201d<\/p>\n

Today, Sue and Jimmy are always ready to help anyone who loses a child. \u201cWe try to go to them immediately. We want to give them hope that they will survive. Our calling is to help others who have faced the same tragedy.\u201d Continuing, Sue said, \u201cLife will get back to normal, but it is a new normal. Everything about our lives changed, but we came out on the other side of it. Prayer, friends and family keep you going.\u201d<\/p>\n

And life does go on. Less than two years later, Sue\u2019s mother was killed in a car accident and two years after that, they lost Jimmy\u2019s mother to cancer. But this incredible couple leaned on each other for support through it all and built a life filled with love and friendship. \u201cShaun is 39 now,\u201d Sue told me, her voice filled with love. \u201cAnd I have the most fabulous daughter-in-law \u2013 her family includes us in everything they do. Shaun met Allison at Clemson, and she has been a gift to us all.\u201d<\/p>\n

And, yes, Shaun followed in his brother\u2019s footsteps and graduated from Clemson, even though his parents were worried it would be too hard for him. \u201cThe people at Clemson were wonderful. The day we took him, Shaun had homemade cookies in his room and every year, someone called to check on him on the anniversary of Chad\u2019s death.\u201d Sue said Clemson staff still gets in touch when they vacation in the area.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think having a teenager to raise helped us keep going,\u201d Sue added. And the couple\u2019s many friends stayed in close touch. \u201cThey made sure we were busy.\u201d The need to help others became a way to heal themselves, and the Cranfords continued serving on boards and working in community fundraisers to help those less fortunate. \u201cThere are too many people in need for us to sit and not do anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"\u201cI wake up every morning and think today is going to be the best day. It\u2019s a joy to wake up,\u201d answered Sue when I asked about her life today. \u201cWe stay in because of COVID since we\u2019re older, 69 and 70. Even though we\u2019re not totally isolated, we are very careful.\u201d Before the virus, the Cranfords had activities multiple times a week, from supper club to church to Western Carolina alumnus groups.<\/p>\n

\u201cJimmy is involved in a group of men who support Myrtle Beach High School.\u201d Sue said. \u201cEvery Friday night he and his group of friends would go to the games, both home and away.\u201d Those Friday nights became Sue\u2019s time for herself. \u201cI love to see Myrtle Beach succeed, it means I get my Friday night alone time,\u201d she told me laughing. Sue continued more seriously, \u201cOne day, I realized I was taking care of Jimmy, taking care of Shaun, and I was still working. I was taking care everyone but myself. I knew I had to start taking care of Sue.\u201d That\u2019s when she decided to retire from her long teaching career and focus on herself.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe tell families we visit or if I speak to a group, that you can get through it. Let your friends and family do things for you. It\u2019s good for them too.\u201d Sue added, \u201cIt\u2019s okay to have a pity party. Jimmy and I still have major pity parties. But don\u2019t forget to get on your knees and thank God for your life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not perfect,\u201d Sue stressed. \u201cI was mad at God, but I was told that was okay, and I would get through it. And I did.\u201d Today, Sue tells grieving parents that it\u2019s okay to question, it\u2019s okay to grieve in your own way. \u201cThere are no rules to grieving. Everyone does it differently,\u201d Sue said as we finished our conversation. \u201cDo it your way. Grief lasts forever, it just changes form. Let it happen. And don\u2019t forget to laugh and enjoy your life.\u201d<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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