My neighbor, lawyer, and friend, Sally, sat across the kitchen table from me. \u201cOkay,\u201d she said, \u201cLet\u2019s get going on the paperwork the agency sent me for Kelsey\u2019s adoption.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She started reading the document to me, and hearing \u201cBirth Mother, Patricia Duke\u201d jarred me. Patty Duke had been a famous child star as I was growing up. Could this be the same person? Surely not. Movie stars don\u2019t go to obscure Christian agencies in Denver to choose an adoption plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sally stopped when she saw my startled look. \u201cYou aren\u2019t supposed to know the name, are you?\u201d she asked, already knowing the answer. I shook my head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen I\u2019ll proceed without reading that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That was the only time I even had a hint of the name of the birth mother of our precious daughter. I did not mention it to anyone \u2013 not even my husband. It was something I was not supposed to know, so I acted as though I did not. In 1980, most adoptions were closed and secrecy was routine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As Kelsey grew up and we told her the story of flying from the Cincinnati area to Denver to get her, she asked many questions about her birth mother. For most of these questions, the answers were taken from what we\u2019d been told by the agency: \u201cBecause she loved you and couldn\u2019t care for you herself,\u201d or \u201cShe was a vegetarian,\u201d or \u201cShe was very smart and a great conversationalist.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But when the question was \u201cWhat was her name?\u201d I had to equivocate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo you think they would have told us her name? That\u2019s supposed to be a secret,\u201d or \u201cHow would I know?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The name never left me, for it was constantly reinforced. When I saw huge Duke Construction signs, I wondered if it were the same family. Then I\u2019d chastise myself for thinking of it at all. And the same when I\u2019d see an article about the actress Patty Duke, though I\u2019d learned that she\u2019d actually chosen a stage name so her name wasn\u2019t even Patricia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt that Sally\u2019s slip was a burden I could handle, and it turned out to be a blessing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kelsey always understood that Colorado law did not allow a birth parent search until she was 21. Then, around 1996, that restriction was changed to age eighteen. Shortly before Kelsey\u2019s eighteenth birthday, I called to get the ball rolling. I had no idea how long it would take and I wanted to shorten the wait time for satisfying her curiosity \u2013 and filling the hole in her heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The social worker who answered was kind and eager to help. Her first question took me by surprise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo you happen to know the first name of her birth mother?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cW-what? Why?\u201d I stammered, my heart suddenly pounding in my ears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh, that\u2019s how we file our records,\u201d she said. \u201cMaintains the birth mother\u2019s privacy but still makes them accessible. Do you know it?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I swallowed before I uttered the name that had never before passed my lips. \u201cPatricia.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGreat!\u201d she said. \u201cYou have no idea how complicated this process is when the birth mother\u2019s name isn\u2019t known! Almost impossible!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then I realized why I\u2019d been given this burden almost eighteen years before \u2013 so my daughter could more quickly locate and be reunited with her birth mother, Patty. And yes, she really did share a name with the famous Patty Duke! It turned out she had married but had kept her maiden name.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In less than three weeks, we received a surprising call. The social worker explained that she had called the number listed for Patricia\u2019s parents and gotten her contact information from them without telling her why. She simply said, \u201cI knew Patty when she was in college and I\u2019d like to reconnect!\u201d (People were less cautious in 1998.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her message, however, was both discouraging and hopeful. Patty had no interest in being in contact with Kelsey. To our surprise, she had been married to Kevin, Kelsey\u2019s birth father, for twelve years, and he was definitely interested in knowing Kelsey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wow! Kelsey was stunned. As she said, \u201cI\u2019d never really given much thought to my birth father \u2013 just a shadowy figure who didn\u2019t play a big role in what my birth mother had chosen.\u201d She called him, and they eagerly talked and shared information.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We were amazed upon hearing that Patty, from Amarillo, Texas, had traveled from her university in New Mexico to Denver to give birth where no one knew her. Of course, she assumed that a couple in the Denver area adopted her daughter. At the same time, we had traveled from Kentucky to Denver to adopt our baby girl, assuming that her birth mother was from Denver. \u201cI feel my life has been so specifically moved by God,\u201d Kelsey often explains. \u201cGod went to quite a bit of trouble to get me to my family.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Eventually, Patty came around after starting therapy, perhaps eighteen years late. She and Kevin flew across the country to attend Kelsey\u2019s high school graduation and later the three of them traveled together to Ireland where Kevin\u2019s father was born and where they\u2019d married. The Irish connection was a bonus for Kelsey, for she had always been drawn to Celtic music and customs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So our daughter\u2019s life, already satisfying, was incredibly enhanced by two more people showing her love and affection. As my friend Ginny said, \u201cYou can never have too many people in your corner!\u201d All due to what seemed to be a slip of the tongue in my cozy kitchen eighteen years before.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My neighbor, lawyer, and friend, Sally, sat across the kitchen table from me. \u201cOkay,\u201d she said, \u201cLet\u2019s get going on the paperwork the agency sent me for Kelsey\u2019s adoption.\u201d She […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_tec_requires_first_save":true,"_gspb_post_css":"","_EventAllDay":false,"_EventTimezone":"","_EventStartDate":"","_EventEndDate":"","_EventStartDateUTC":"","_EventEndDateUTC":"","_EventShowMap":false,"_EventShowMapLink":false,"_EventURL":"","_EventCost":"","_EventCostDescription":"","_EventCurrencySymbol":"","_EventCurrencyCode":"","_EventCurrencyPosition":"","_EventDateTimeSeparator":"","_EventTimeRangeSeparator":"","_EventOrganizerID":[],"_EventVenueID":[],"_OrganizerEmail":"","_OrganizerPhone":"","_OrganizerWebsite":"","_VenueAddress":"","_VenueCity":"","_VenueCountry":"","_VenueProvince":"","_VenueState":"","_VenueZip":"","_VenuePhone":"","_VenueURL":"","_VenueStateProvince":"","_VenueLat":"","_VenueLng":"","_VenueShowMap":false,"_VenueShowMapLink":false,"_tribe_blocks_recurrence_rules":"","_tribe_blocks_recurrence_description":"","_tribe_blocks_recurrence_exclusions":"","footnotes":""},"essay_type":[46],"essay-category":[],"class_list":["post-20320","essay","type-essay","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","essay_type-features"],"blocksy_meta":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/essay\/20320","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/essay"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/essay"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20320"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/essay\/20320\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20320"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"essay_type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/essay_type?post=20320"},{"taxonomy":"essay-category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sasee.com\/ro\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/essay-category?post=20320"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}