My second son\u2019s third kid, three-and-a-half months old, was soon to be christened. Although we couldn\u2019t make it to the baptisms of the older two, we decided we\u2019d trek up to New York for this one. Also, it was the same week as Halloween, so it promised to be a fun time. Because it\u2019s a nine-to-ten-hour trek if traffic is unimpeded and the George Washington Bridge hasn\u2019t had any wrecks on it, we make it there from North Carolina only a few times a year, at best. Our interactions with our almost four-year-old granddaughter and our two-year-old grandson are infrequent and limited. This week would be the longest amount of time we\u2019ve spent with them at their home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Our grandchildren have more toys than I remember F\u2022A\u2022O Schwarz having when I was young. More festivities, activities, and playdates appear on their social calendars than on ours. The family follows a schedule where two of the kids attend pre-school while a nanny remains home with the baby who has scheduled strolling excursions. My son and his wife have demanding careers, keeping them busy every moment of the day they\u2019re not occupied with kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Soon after we arrived, my son warned me his toddler son, also named Henry, has a foot fetish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA what?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe likes to bite your toes. If he sees you in socks or without socks, he\u2019ll pretend he\u2019s going to kiss your foot, and then he bites your toes. Hard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGood to know,\u201d I told my son.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe really have to watch him around the baby! By the way, he also pulls hair.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnything else?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe hits.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cPapa and I will protect our feet, heads, and body parts.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe hurls toys.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI know where he gets that from! You once hurled a Brio train track at the globe on the rotating Hunter fan and although you were only two, it was a perfect shot. It burst, raining white shards of glass down on me and your brother.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Henry laughed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI spanked you, but your dad was impressed with your throwing arm,\u201d I added.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe don\u2019t spank,\u201d my son replied.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTime out?\u201d I asked. \u201cThat never worked for me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFYI, we have a pre-school conference tomorrow with his teacher to find out how he\u2019s doing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA conference for a two-year-old? Wow. Things have changed since I had you four kids. Of course, I was a stay-at-home mom, and you were raised by the TV. So, if you didn\u2019t turn out right, I say, \u2018Dang you, Mr. Rogers!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s right, Ama. Things change,\u201d my son said, using my grandma appellation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next day we spent with a well-behaved, cooing baby, alternating holding him, feeding him, and watching him. When my son returned from the preschool conference before he ducked into his study to work remotely, I inquired about the meeting with Henry T.\u2019s teacher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell,\u201d my son said and grimaced. \u201cWe learned a new strategy. We are supposed to tell him that an invisible bubble is around each person and that he must learn not to invade another kid\u2019s bubble. He\u2019s not to reach in and pop that invisible bubble \u2013 to pull hair, slap, or bite.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOh my! Can\u2019t you just tell him: \u2018No?\u2019\u201d I asked knowing I was breaking my number one rule of grandparenting \u2013 not to give any unsolicited advice, ever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My son shook his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, I asked, \u201cAnything else? Did she tell you how smart your boy is? How articulate? How good he is at puzzles that require spatial intelligence? How far he can throw a ball? Or fork? How funny he is? How good-natured he is? Or how easily he can be consoled if he hurts himself?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My son shook his head no. \u201cShe stared at us both hard,\u201d Henry said. \u201cThen, she glared directly at me and asked, \u2018Who\u2019s told Henry he\u2019s a bad boy?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I blurted out, \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe teacher went on to say that Henry prances around class telling everyone he is a bad boy and when he hits another kid and she \u2013 the teacher \u2013 asks him why, he points to his chest proudly and says, \u2018I\u2019m a BAD boy! I\u2019m a bad, BAD boy!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I laughed. \u201cYeah, he told me that too when I asked him why he tried to bite my foot. He really emphasizes the word BAD.\u201d I recalled how self-satisfied my two-year-old grandson looked when he told me he was a bad, bad boy, like it was a badge of honor. I\u2019d said to him that he was a big boy, not a bad boy. And he corrected me sternly and looked very cross with me as he announced, \u201cBad! I\u2019m a BAD boy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo, Son, what did you tell the teacher?\u201d I asked my grown kid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI told her the truth! His four-year-old sister tells him he is a BAD boy all the time \u2013 after he bites her, pulls her hair, and hits her in the face. She tells him emphatically he is a bad boy.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had to laugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That week I watched the two older ones play and most of the time they were compatible and happily played together, but sometimes his sister would snatch his truck from his hand which he was playing with. She\u2019d not give it back, even when he begged her for his toy. Then he\u2019d grab Georgia\u2019s curly hair ensnaring her in a vise-like grip and whack her with the other hand. She\u2019d cry to her dad or mom about what Henry T. had done, and they\u2019d lecture her two-year-old brother about hitting and hair-pulling. When Henry T. got scolded, little Georgia seemed pleased.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After witnessing this behavior over a few days, I took my little granddaughter to the side and said, \u201cHoney, Henry\u2019s only two. He\u2019s not four like you. He doesn\u2019t understand when you take his toy from him to play with. If you don\u2019t want him to get mad and pull your hair or hit you, don\u2019t take his toy. O.K.? You understand me, Sweetheart?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Georgia looked up sweetly and innocently at me and then she explained with conviction, \u201cBut, Ama, don\u2019t you know Sharing is Caring.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The things they learn at pre-school!<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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