By Mari Wallace<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My story is not unusual.\u00a0Every marriage has its ups and downs, but mine, unfortunately, had far more downs than ups, and this had been going on for far too long. I considered my options.\u00a0I could stay married and stay miserable.\u00a0I could get divorced and live on my own \u2013 but peacefully.\u00a0I could get divorced and maybe be lucky enough to find a new love.\u00a0Two of those three possible scenarios held greater promise than the other, so I opted for divorce.\u00a0What followed wasn\u2019t smooth sailing \u2013 as anyone who\u2019s been through it can certainly testify.\u00a0I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find my prince.\u00a0But, as Shakespeare put it, \u2018All\u2019s Well that Ends Well.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, please read on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Friends wanted to fix me up with the single men they knew, but it took a good 18 months for me to feel ready to venture \u201cout there.\u201d My self-esteem had taken a battering, but with their encouragement, I embarked on a sort of makeover. I lost 15 pounds, changed my hairstyle and color, and treated myself to some new outfits in my new dress size.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I looked in the mirror and decided that I liked the \u201cnew me.\u201d\u00a0I joined the dating site in the Sunday newspaper I regularly bought.\u00a0The procedure was to record a message about yourself \u2013 what you looked like, your personality, your likes and dislikes.\u00a0The subscription enabled you to listen to the messages recorded by possible dates and decide whether to go further.\u00a0This was before the present requirement of photos…just relied on the persuasiveness of voices…or not.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was strange being \u201cout there,\u201d but to my great surprise and delight, virtually all the men I met asked to see me again, which really boosted my confidence.\u00a0Some dates were bizarre \u2013 like the guy who kept talking about himself in the third person rather than the first.\u00a0So, instead of saying, \u201cWhen I went skiing,\u201d he\u2019d say, \u201cWhen Bill went skiing\u2026\u201d Was I on a date with two people or just the one?? Another guy, while we were having a meal, ogled me across the table and said, \u201cI wish there were a bed here.\u201d\u00a0Not exactly subtle!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I did meet someone who, I felt, had potential.\u00a0He took me to the theatre and a couple of concerts.\u00a0I was beginning to think there could be something between us when he broke the news that he was seeing someone else \u2013 and it was getting serious.\u00a0So, it was goodbye to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But most of the men I met simply wanted to meet a nice woman to spend time with, which suited me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I listened to Alan\u2019s voice, I was immediately attracted.\u00a0It had a deep, very masculine resonance to it but also a warmth that I found appealing.\u00a0However, when we met up, his physical presence was not what I\u2019d expected.\u00a0I find certain characteristics attractive in a man and some not.\u00a0I like straight hair. I like straight teeth.\u00a0I like blue eyes.\u00a0I don\u2019t like hairy men.\u00a0That sort of describes my ex-husband. Where did that get me??\u00a0As for Alan…curly hair…crooked teeth…muddy-colored eyes.\u00a0(And he was hairy \u2013 that revelation came later\u2026!) But he was funny.\u00a0He made me laugh.\u00a0He had a real ease in joke telling which I found quite disarming, especially as I\u2019m useless at telling or even remembering jokes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was delighted when he suggested we meet again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I arrived at the venue for our second date, Alan was waiting for me in the parking lot. He came over and presented me with a lovely bouquet of flowers.\u00a0I was both surprised and charmed by this totally unexpected gesture. When we sat down at our table, he confessed, \u201cI told my daughter that I\u2019d met a very nice lady.\u00a0She asked if I planned on seeing you again.\u00a0To which I replied, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I smiled, pleased that I\u2019d been worth talking about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThen she asked me if I\u2019d told you that I was still married.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My smile instantly disappeared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cShe said that she\u2019d run a mile rather than date a man who was married \u2013 and that I should give you some flowers and then \u2018come clean.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 He then looked at me intently, adding, \u201cI really don\u2019t want you to run a mile.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He explained further that although he was officially still married, they hadn\u2019t lived together for many years. They\u2019d simply drifted apart, and so, in his \u201chead,\u201d he was single.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now was the quandary.\u00a0Should I believe him\u2026or run a mile?\u00a0Somehow, the fact that he\u2019d discussed me with his daughter gave some credibility to his story. He went on to tell me that the family home was on a big plot of land.\u00a0He\u2019d gotten planning permission to build a three-bedroom house on the property \u2013 for his wife \u2013 and moved her into it.\u00a0Eventually, he sold the main house and moved away to another town.\u00a0Again, how he said it made me laugh:\u00a0\u201cI built her a house in the far end of the yard and moved her into it.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Because he\u2019d provided so much detail, I felt inclined to believe him or at least to give him the benefit of the doubt.\u00a0I enjoyed his company \u2013 our relationship being characterized by laughter \u2013 so I decided to continue seeing him, but with reservations, taking care.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As time went on, he introduced me to both of his daughters and to his friends.\u00a0Everyone accepted us as a couple.\u00a0There was no longer any doubt about his honesty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\u2019d spend the weekends together \u2013 either at his place or at mine.\u00a0And then, one evening, he announced, \u201cI want us to live together, but I don\u2019t feel it\u2019s fair for me to expect you to live with a married man.\u00a0And so, I shall get divorced.\u201d\u00a0He went to see his estranged wife, and they agreed on the terms of the divorce in a very civilized way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Alan and I bought a house together.\u00a0Then, one day, he told me he wanted to build a big shed at the far end of the yard.\u00a0Remembering what he did to his then-wife, I told him in no uncertain terms that he should not entertain any ideas of moving me into it unless he installed heating and air conditioning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As for his curly hair and crooked teeth\u2026I don\u2019t notice them anymore.\u00a0When you first meet someone, you notice their physical characteristics.\u00a0But after you get to know them, you only see the whole person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I saw the whole person and liked what I saw very much.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And still do. A lot.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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