By Dana Hall<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A little girl, a month from turning four, begins to settle into her personality and find her voice. She pounces around, talks a mile a minute, and always with \u201cI have an idea!\u201d. The most significant part of her personality is that she\u2019s always seeking opportunities to help. She\u2019s fiercely passionate about helping and takes great pride in it. Anything from dishes (yes, dishes) to cooking or baking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The little girl described above is my niece. As she nears her fourth birthday, she\u2019s becoming more aware of the world around her, and I\u2019m beginning to grasp the importance of being an aunt to a young girl. It\u2019s a responsibility I\u2019m not sure I\u2019m prepared to take on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There\u2019s a specific responsibility and gravity to being a young girl\u2019s role model. It\u2019s not just being someone she can look up to. It\u2019s preparing her to navigate a society that wants her small, not strong. It\u2019s being a guide, learning from your own mistakes and your worst traits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In our moments together, playing the floor is lava or the silent warmth of watching a movie together, I see the best parts of her. Her creativity, how much she cares, and her ability to be herself unapologetically. There are times I want to hide her from the world, hide her from the inevitable pain she\u2019ll experience, hide her from the possibility of losing the best parts of herself. And at the same time, I want to hide from the possibility of failing her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m so worried I won\u2019t properly set her up for the world. How can I be a good role model, let alone a good female role model, if the inverse of my two worst attributes are the two things that will lead her to success: advocating for and loving herself?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I very rarely advocate for myself. I conform to what\u2019s needed, fall in line, and make things easier for others. When I do stand up, it\u2019s a battle not just for what I\u2019m advocating for but also a battle against appeasing others. I\u2019m full of anxiety the entire time. The unfortunate truth is that being disliked usually outweighs my willingness to stand up for myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yet the deeply depressing thing about me is that I am completely fine with disliking myself\u2014a fun mixture of childhood bullying, perfectionism, and learned behavior. My self-loathing is the \u201csafer\u201d option because it\u2019s familiar and offers me a false sense of security. I can\u2019t get hurt if I don\u2019t try. I can\u2019t get hurt worse than what I\u2019m already doing to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am grateful to be this self-aware that I can identify my shortcomings, yay therapy! Self-reflection gives me a unique opportunity to see the positive qualities. Gives me the chance to heal my inner child as I navigate my niece towards the positive aspects of my faults.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Conforming to what\u2019s needed is my survival tactic. Because of this, I am highly adaptable, which is an important skill to learn and cultivate. But it shouldn\u2019t come at the cost of standing up for yourself. I want to teach my niece adaptability with boundaries so advocating for herself becomes her superpower.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being self-critical is a dangerous, unhealthy high-wire act that leads to destructive patterns. But constructive self-criticism can be a catalyst for productive improvement and humility. Being gentle and kind in our opinions fosters more compassion and love for ourselves and others. I want my niece to hold greater empathy for others and to recognize how much we all have in common.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being a role model for a young girl in the world we live in makes you reckon with yourself. It\u2019s confronting generational trauma and teaching them to love themselves and be their best selves. It\u2019s recognizing that your imperfections are what make you the perfect role model. And most of all, it\u2019s looking at yourself through their eyes and seeing the best of yourself.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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