Stress Less This Holiday Season AND Enjoy Effortless Entertaining

By Tammie Hughes

There’s unmistakable excitement leading up to the holiday season. The typical Southerner begins anticipating upcoming festivities in early October. We start by throwing football parties and making plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Soon, we toss in the supporting tasks of shopping for the perfect gift, holiday decorating, baking sumptuous fall goodies, hosting out of town guests, and entertaining at every turn — and before we know it, we’re deep into a full-blown hectic schedule that we joyfully created.

We envision cozy nostalgic evenings around the table with family and sipping hot mugs of cocoa around the fire pit. We are led towards the kitchen with the scent of fall spices hanging in the air, and we dream of hosting the perfect dinner with a beautiful tablescape that is reminiscent of a center spread in Southern Living. But that vision of Hallmark Movie perfection is often counteracted with anxiety surrounding the actual work involved in executing our plans for an amazing season.

But hiding within the excitement is anxiousness, and that anxiousness can easily derail your enthusiasm. Don’t let anxiety change the experience you desire; take back your love of the holidays by clearing away stressors and creating new traditions that are better suited for your family and your sanity.

A couple of things that I’ve eliminated to ease potential holiday headaches have been Black Friday shopping and the extensive baking of years past. For me, the shopping fell by the wayside for two reasons. The first was that our children are now adults, and shopping for numerous perfectly adored gifts is no longer the norm. Having said that, I still get excited to shop for our granddaughter, but I don’t let the lure of Black Friday deals pull me into the madness. I often find things at cute boutique shops throughout our travels during the year. The second reason is the wonderful world of Amazon. If you have the time and thoroughly enjoy browsing, then by all means keep it up. I simply can’t justify the crowds and frenzy of it all. Also, I should note that adult children with their own families often appreciate monetary gifts, just saying.

The Black Friday boycott that subtly created a new family tradition:

About twelve years ago, when we lived in Arizona, I planned a spa day with our oldest daughter, who was visiting us from California for Thanksgiving. The guys went to play golf, and the girls went to the spa. It was fantastic. No dreaded checkout lines, no hauling bags to the car, nothing to get anxious about, in fact — it was a fantastic stress-relieving experience. We relaxed in the sauna with hot tea and cucumber water, then had massages and facials; it was divine. Afterwards we stopped by a place and had Cuban coffee. We kept this tradition going for many years. We eventually moved to Nashville and then to the Lowcountry of SC. She hasn’t had the chance to visit every Thanksgiving; she has a daughter and life gets busy for young parents, so I get it. We’ve also made the trip to CA for Thanksgiving, but extended family events derailed our Black Friday spa day. We’ve enjoyed this new tradition for many years and I’m tempted to book us a hotel with a great spa somewhere halfway between CA and SC and meet up to keep the tradition alive; I’ll let you know if we did in the December issue!

Stress less, enjoy more:

As far as baking goes — I know many people who pull out tons of family recipes, have an apron on 24/7, and a constant smudge of flour on their face. I used to be in that camp. I would bake loads of goodies every holiday season. I could say it was for the kids, visiting family members, and friends, but really, it was a habit. I did enjoy baking, but at some point, it became a chore. Now I only bake a handful of treats, maybe one item a week (or less) for the holidays.

The heart of the matter is you must choose what you enjoy most and clear out the litany list of other items that interfere with the joy of the season. I like making small homemade gifts for friends and neighbors. It can be time-consuming, but it’s one of the things I like to do. I plan my gift choice, make a list, shop, and delight in the process. Most often the shopping portion of this task involves a trip to Hobby Lobby, which I am delighted to include. Any creative, artistically inclined, and crafty person will agree that this store is beyond wonderful. Last year I made customized seasoning blends in adorable glass jars with little wooden spoons and labels. I printed labels with catchy names and adorned the jars with hefty holiday craft paper and burlap string. I make the time to indulge in handmade crafts by eliminating extensive shopping and baking. I know this sounds paradoxical, taking the time to make gifts for neighbors and depositing money into accounts for family. I haven’t decided what to make this year, but I’ll keep you posted.

Holiday decorating is another task that gives me great pleasure. Unboxing the little treasures that you forgot you had and the giddy feeling of making the home magical is priceless. A cup of pumpkin chai or peppermint hot cocoa and holiday classics playing in the background adds to the experience and if you have a fireplace, turn it on — no matter the outdoor temperature. All of this creates the quintessential Norman Rockwell scene.

Effortless and elegant entertaining:

I had a catering company long before my restaurant, and I handled small events as well as evenings for hundreds. I’ve always adored entertaining and have been an avid home host as long as I can remember. I’ve overheard friends talking to new acquaintances saying things like “Oooh, you’re invited to the Hughes? You’re going to be amazed!” I’ve had a guy that was snapping photos of the dinner look at me and say, “I have never taken pictures of my food, but this is outstanding.” We were also the talk of the town for simple events like our legendary hotdog party, our annual soup party, and our build-you-own gatherings (taco bar, baked potato bar, bruschetta bar). I love that our guests have a wonderful experience, that’s the goal!

Setting a themed table and planning menus is a lot of fun. The key to a stress-free, enjoyable event is planning and organization. I create menus that allow for an ample amount of beforehand prep, are easily executed, and don’t require being in the kitchen after guests arrive. Entertaining is more than serving a great meal or presenting a beautifully adorned table. Entertaining is about catching up with friends and family, spending time conversing, and enjoying each other’s company. No one wants to be in the kitchen the whole time, and no guest wants to feel like you’re going to too much trouble.

I often laugh at myself because I’ll run around for two days cleaning and prepping everything, I shower and get myself ready about an hour before the party and I’m even prepping up until the last fifteen minutes. Then I place the appetizers, add garnish to the cocktail area, start my playlist, light candles, pour myself a glass of wine, grab a book, and allow my husband to answer the door. When guests arrive, they notice me relaxing with a glass of wine and a good book and immediately feel comfortable. No one wants to enter a home where the host is scurrying about. This is an often-overlooked important step to make your guests feel relaxed. I’ve included a party planning schedule and a dinner menu example at the end of this article.

For the host, a few small things to make guests feel comfortable:

• We all know you’re going to clean the house from top to bottom and sideways, but after all that cleaning, light a candle to cover the scent of pine sol, pledge, or whatever other cleaners you’ve used.
• Go into each bathroom and wash your hands with the soap you’ve provided and do not rinse the sink. If guests only see everything in pristine form, they may feel awkward.
• Set a jacket or your purse near the front door entrance on a bench, table, or other area. Once guests start to arrive, they will feel comfortable putting their things down. I totally understand using a spare room for everyone’s coats and bags when you have invited forty people, but if you’re having less than ten, let it be more informal and cozy.
• Setup a self-serve bar area with a varying array of refreshments of your choosing. You can also pre-prep a featured batch cocktail. You’re not supposed to be the caterer or the bar tender. You’re supposed to spend time visiting with others.
• Do not clear courses from the table until every single person is finished. Take the dishes into the kitchen, but do not start cleaning. Only clean AFTER every guest has left.
• Additionally, try to avoid hot topic debates during your gathering. If the conversation gets too heated, no one will have a good time.

Guest treat bags:

Who doesn’t love a little treat bag? I’ve made and have been gifted the most adorable guest gifts and hostess gifts. Quite a few you could tell were very thoughtful and specific. If you decide to have guest bags, choose something that goes with the dinner you’re serving or a holiday theme, yet intentionally moves beyond the often-expected cliché of candles, confections, and ornaments. You could make and bottle a homemade fall-spiced bourbon sauce with a cut ribbon and a custom printed funny label, you could throw a copy of a bestselling thriller along with cocoa mix and a cute mug in a bag, or you could opt for tickets to the Night of a Thousand Candles at Brookgreen Gardens in a beautiful card with a personal hand-written note. The choices are endless.

Be a gracious guest:

• To note, as a guest, ALWAYS take a little something for the hostess. Do not bring a bottle of what you want to drink for the hostess. If you bring wine — it is for them to open at a later time. Although, you can bring a bottle of something to drink in addition to the gift bottle. Choose something that is personal to your host. What do they like to do? What are their hobbies? You can easily find a small gift that will make them feel you’ve taken the time and were intentional. A few generic underused options are a nice linen spray (for sheets), a collection of various finishing salts, a brass candle snuffer, fun cocktail napkins and whiskey-soaked cherries, a trio of Savannah Bee Company’s whipped honeys, or L’Occitane hand cream and room spray.
• Always send a thank you text or email two to three days after the event. If the event was more on the formal side, or you received a guest gift bag — send a hand-written thank you four to five days later. Do not be generic in either instance; mention something specific about the party or the meal, or that you loved “x” in the gift bag. Close by saying you look forward to catching up again soon; whether you mention having them over for dinner or grabbing a coffee doesn’t matter, just that you look forward to seeing them.

A few tidbits for effortless entertaining:

A week prior:

• Choose a theme and plan your menu.
• Print a menu with recipes including cocktails, appetizers, first course, entrees, side dishes, and dessert.
• After you’ve printed your menu then add notes with a timeline of when items need to be pulled out of the fridge to get to room temperature, when things need to go into the oven, how long it takes to cook, how long it needs to rest, etc.
• Once you have your timeline, you can easily create a “day of” schedule. Don’t forget to work backwards from guest arrival time and include an hour for grabbing a shower and attending to last minute details.

Three days prior:

• Purchase any decor items needed for your theme.
• Print and hand-write place setting cards and guest menus.
• Choose place settings, glassware, and serving pieces. Add post it notes inside the serving pieces to help you remember what dish goes where.
• Decorate and set the table. (If you’re using fresh flowers, wait until the morning of the event.)
• Create a playlist to go with your theme.

Two days prior:

• Clean the house and set out potty spray, soap dispensers, and quality disposable guest towels in the bathrooms.
• Attend to your curb appeal — any yard work and outdoor space cleanup. Decorate the front porch.
• Purchase food supplies and ingredients.
• Prep any food items that can be prepped two days out. (Most desserts can be prepped well ahead of time.)
• Set up the bar area (minus garnishes).

One day prior:

• Prepare the remaining food items that can be prepped the day before.
• Purchase and set out any fresh flowers.

Day of:

• Finish prepping foods and follow your “day of” schedule. Also remember to clean as you go, completely empty the dishwasher; no one wants a full dishwasher after everyone has left, and you start to clear.
• An hour before:
• Take a shower and make yourself beautiful.
• Thirty minutes before:
• Turn on your playlist, set the lighting (overheads off, lamps on) and light candles.
• Set out appetizers and any assorted serving pieces and cocktail napkins and plates.
• Set out your batch cocktail and any garnishes for the cocktail area (lemons, limes, cherries, etc.)

Fifteen minutes before:

• Make yourself a cocktail, a cup of tea, or pour yourself a glass of wine. Grab a book, sit down, and relax before guests arrive. Have another family member answer the door and allow guests to see you relaxing. This puts your guests at ease.
• Continue to follow your “day of” timeline and enjoy visiting with friends and family, while you effortlessly entertain!

Example of dinner menu that can be prepped (mostly) ahead of time.

Apple Cider Sangria (Fresh apple cider, orange juice, brandy, and prosecco — garnished with cinnamon sticks, fresh apple and orange slices, and a few pomegranate seeds)

Assorted Charcuterie and Artisanal Cheeses with Fruit, Nuts, Olives, Crackers

Golden Beet Salad: (Steamed and cooled golden beets with fresh Belgian endive, radicchio, pine nuts, chèvre, scallions, and Vidalia onion vinaigrette) Prep the beets days before and make the salad the morning of, adding the dressing just prior to serving.

Yeast Rolls: You can make these the day before and warm the “day of.”

Beef Tenderloin with Tarragon Compound Butter and Horseradish Sauce: An average size tenderloin cooks in about thirty minutes, broil for the last five minutes, then it rests for thirty minutes. You can pop this in the oven at the beginning of cocktail hour and take it out to rest toward the end of cocktail hour and during the first course.

Roasted Rosemary Roots: (Purple potatoes, heirloom carrots, rutabaga, and sweet potatoes with whole peeled shallots, fresh rosemary, olive oil, salt, and pepper) You can prep this mostly ahead of time and put it in to bake twenty minutes before the tenderloin goes into the oven.

Spiced Rum Cake with Baked Whole Cinnamon Apples and Caramel Sauce: You can bake the cake two days prior and bake the apples the morning of; adding a slice of cake, an apple, and a drizzle of caramel sauce to each plate when serving. Rockit apples are the prefect size for this dessert.

And, lastly, this holiday season, let us not forget to be grateful. Showing gratitude and being truly thankful is food for the soul and to embrace gratitude every day is to live fully and presently. I’m grateful for many things, including you — the readers both new and old that read my words. Thank you for letting me share my thoughts and giving me a moment of your time. Cheers for a stress-free and enjoyable holiday season! Imagine me toasting you with a brandy snifter of eggnog.