Thank You, 911!

“This is the other half of dumb and dumber calling!” I announced after my husband answered his cell phone. “You got a minute?”

“I’m in the middle of dictating…” he sighed sounding vexed.

“But, you are finished seeing patients?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I just thought I should tell you that if I get shot by police, it’s not my fault.”

“What?”

“It’s like this:  I have been in the house all day with the men working on the back deck and I thought since they finally left, I’d take the dogs for a walk, but since it’s so hilly out here, I thought I’d drive them down to the fitness center where the land is flat and walk there.”

I heard him sigh deeply.

“And so I grabbed my keys to the car, well actually the fob, and the ones to the house and the leashes. I carried the dogs and threw them in the back seat and then threw my cell in the front passenger side. Suddenly, I heard this beeping sound and I saw a red-light flashing, so I looked down at my phone in the passenger side, and it said 911.”

“You dialed 911?”

“NO! I didn’t dial anything. Anyway, I pressed the red phone icon to cancel, but the dispatcher called me back immediately. I answered all her questions regarding my name, address, and why  911 was dialed.  She kept insisting I’d dialed 911, and I kept insisting I had not. And I asked her if there is some way that a phone can dial the police without your doing it, and she just said that a policeman would be by.  I told her I was planning on going to the fitness center and she said that maybe he’ll just call.  So, I called you. What do you think?”

“Something in your bag of a pocketbook hit the phone and somehow alerted the police.”

“I told you. I didn’t take a purse. I threw the cell on the seat.”

“I think they’ll send a policeman.”

“Dang. Bye!”

I took the dachshunds out of the back seat and put their leashes on and walked them to the end of the driveway, and then I took my phone out and texted a friend who is savvier about cells than I. I wanted to see if she knew how this happened.

Sure enough, a police car turned into my driveway.
“Are you on the phone?” the policewoman asked. There I stood in my pandemic fashion: ragged looking jogging pants with the hems out, a stained T-shirt from a few summers ago, and old sneakers in a garish color my husband bought for me for Christmas because they were reduced, probably due to the god awful hue. (If it weren’t for this pandemic, I’d have never worn them as I wouldn’t want to be seen out in them.)

She asked me if I was the one who called 911. I went through my saga as to how I didn’t dial anyone, and I know a few years ago when I was dialing 919 for the area code, I paused and sure enough they sent the police out despite my telling them I wasn’t phoning for help. She listened to my tale where I swore, I had not phoned the police, not even by accident. She said that there is a SOS feature on the iPhone located on the side and you can activate it by pressing that button, but it’s not easy to do. It must be held down.

I told her I didn’t hold the side buttons down and I have no idea how this happened, unless when I was holding the dachshunds, I accidentally pressed it down or their bodies pressed it down. I said I was very sorry she came out, but there was no emergency.

She smiled, turned around in my driveway, and went on her way.

I loaded the dachshunds in the car and drove to the fitness center to walk them as I had originally planned forty minutes earlier.

Now what did I learn from this misadventure? If you are like me and technologically challenged, learn about this SOS button on your cell phone so you don’t accidentally press it and set off alarms bothering the police with your non-urgent stupidity.

Yet, there is a silver lining to this snafu–it’ll give the police officers something to chuckle over in between doing their difficult and dangerous jobs.